All's Well That End's Well
by Battleaxe01
Summary: NEW and IMPROVED, RENEWED & UPDATED version. Final part of a three part story.  Part 1: What's Love Got To Do With It?  Part 2: The Path Of True Love. Part 3 is here, concluding the saga: Cristina is pregnant and is not sure she wants to be.   Chapter's 5 & 11 are rated M.
1. Chapter one

**ONE**

Cristina handed Callie a large glass of red wine and placed a glass for herself on the coffee table in front of her. She walked back to the kitchen and returned with a tray of desert treats, set them on the low table, and then sat down.

She made herself comfortable on the couch edging herself as close to Callie as she could, snuggling her hip close. Callie pushed her elbow hard against Cristina's body signalling for her to move down, give her some room, but Cristina ignored her.

"This is nice." She said picking up her glass and taking a sip. "You'll miss this when I move out, admit it."

Callie made a face to the contrary. The roommates were at Owen's apartment experiencing Cristina's promised Callie date; Owen had gone out leaving them alone for the evening. They had eaten a great dinner and now were settling down for desert.

Truthfully Callie appreciated the effort they had made and genuinely felt special. Her date was a grown up, sophisticated affair. Cristina gotten herself dressed up, put on makeup and Owen had pushed the boat out by making a spectacular two course meal followed by desert.

"You know the menu was Owen's idea, you know I'm not this imaginative." Cristina clinked her glass to Callie's. She had wanted to do something nice for Callie. Actually she wanted Owen to do something nice for Callie, but as he told her, after everything, Cristina was obliged to put herself out. He would cook as a compromise but, he would leave the actual dating of Callie, to her.

Callie with her free hand picked up a pastry square from the tray in front of her. It went into her mouth and she emphasized the impact on her taste buds. "That…is delicious."

Cristina picked something and twisted her face in agreement to the deliciousness of the pastries. They went through the tray, tasting and trying, teasing each other, laughing, washing down the sweet and savoury with wine. Eventually overloaded they sat back and relaxed. Cristina looked at her dark haired friend and suddenly felt a bit emotional.

The two of them had lived and worked together 24 hours a day for the last few years. They had created a home environment that was stable and had developed a synergy and unity that made them more connected and harmonized than any married couple. Callie had looked after Cristina, covered for her, cleaned up for her, argued with her, loved her, hated her, and defended her. Cristina was seriously going to miss their daily interaction, connection, bond, friendship, love. She felt bad because she took Callie for granted; Owen said so all the time.

She watched the way Callie's long lashes curled, and complimented her dark brown mischievous eyes and proudly sculpted eyebrows, and the way her painted lips covered that killer watt movie star smile. The way her feminine curves crest and waved into a shapely voluptuous figure. The way her sweet smelling, smooth, shined, supple and tanned skin glowed. How her lush dark full-bodied hair flowed and caught itself casually on the tips of her eyelashes.

"What?" Callie eyed Cristina, her wine glass hovering in front of her lips.

Cristina shook her head, her smile was light and a little sorrowed. After Meredith's defect to Derek she was moving away from another one of her people. That's what if felt like anyway.

Callie's glass hit the coffee table loudly and wine splashed into it as she awkwardly refilled her glass. She was slightly drunk already. She offered the bottle to Cristina who declined it with her smile growing slightly wider.

"You make the loudest sex noises I've ever heard." Said Cristina.

Callie fused her brows together. Huh?

"I've been bitchy and messy, and never unloaded the dishwasher. I think you've seen a lot of my underwear."

"I have." Nodded Callie with a gulp. "Dirty and clean."

"And even though you might be doing it with Arizona, I've jumped on your bed or crashed into your room." Cristina pushed her glass to the air. "In appreciation for our friendship and life as roommates… and for putting up with all my shit."

Callie broke into a smile and saluted Cristina with her drink, they dramatically clinked glasses.

Cristina waved Callie in for a hug. "Come... Come here."

Callie made a face as she was pulled in by Cristina's arms. "Don't kiss me." She said.

Cristina allowed herself to relax and feel. Callie could feel Cristina's heart and the rhythm of it sobered her, she thought about the list of incidents Cristina had mentioned. They had shared a lot and even though she would be glad to extricate herself from the Cristina Owen partnership she was going to genuinely miss her messy, messed up, Asian American friend. In that moment, despite her doubts, it was okay to let Cristina go with her life.

"Don't fuck it up." Callie mumbled into Cristina's shoulder. "He loves you a lot... I don't know why he loves you, but he does." She guided Cristina backward and picked up her wine glass again. She plucked two mini deserts from the tray; one went in her mouth the other she balanced on her knee.

"So…" She said looking at her. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Guessed Cristina.

"You're really going to marry him?"

"Of course."

"You're sure?" Enquired Callie.

"I'm sure."

"You're sure sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." Cristina pushed fingers into her hair and shook curls loose. "Did Owen put you up to this?"

"No"

"Meredith?"

"No…I just." Callie paused and took her time, she didn't want to affect the mood but Arizona had advised her to be direct. She fumbled and twisted her lips and paused, that was hint enough she had something important to say. "… You're really sure you want to get married… to Owen? I mean you could still go out with him, you could still live at the apartment. You don't have to move out...Are you really the marrying kind?"

"Callie…" Cristina's amusement was wrapped in a little disappointment.

"Why you don't tell Owen to live with us, I mean he practically lives there anyway so..." She needed to lay the offer out at least.

"We're trying to move forwards."

"I know and I get that, but look…"

Cristina needed to use the bathroom and stood up; it was also her attempt to get away from the conversation. "…I know how you feel, but unless you want an 80 year old roommate, you have to …" She could say 'trust him or trust me', but she was always saying that. She said. "Relax."

"Alright…" Callie nodded. "I just wanted to say what I had to say!" She shouted to the back disappearing into the bathroom. "…Because of the other night." She added to herself taking a sip of her drink.

The other night was another one of those nights; dreams, nightmares, whatever the hell they were. If Cristina thought she could handle that, handle Owen, good luck to her. Callie tried. Really she wanted out of the night terrors and the dramas, but she owed her friend the offer of a lifeline and Cristina had declined.

Come to think of it, why would Callie even _want_ Owen to move in permanently? If she was really honest with herself what she really wanted Cristina to do, was not to _move out,_ but not to marry Owen. Which was a hard admission to make because she liked Owen, she really did. But did Cristina have to marry him? Really? Did she? But of course she couldn't say that. She had been made an honorary person, and she had a bridesmaid dress hanging in her closet. She knew Meredith felt the same and_ she_ was matron of honour with her own dress in her own closet; but those looks Meredith gave Owen... But what else could Meredith or she Callie, do but say her piece and leave it at that. Oh, and be supportive, how many times did Cristina ask them to do that?

Cristina came out of the bathroom and pretended the brief talk beforehand didn't happen. Callie went along with that, and the two continued their night of having a good time until Owen came home and gave Callie a ride back to her apartment.


	2. Chapter two

**TWO**

Why couldn't they admit she was happy? Admit that Owen was an exciting, brilliant, passionate man. Alright he was unpredictable, but… well they could just support her.

Her peeps could show some enthusiasm that she was taking the step of becoming officially united to someone else. She was showing willing and showing that she could be self less and think about more than herself and _her_ needs on a daily basis.

Just to make the point further, she agreed to let him join her in therapy. Well agreed, was a loose term, the decision wasn't hers alone, as much as a joint effort. Sleeping lately, had not been so much sleep as tossing and turning and odd dreams. Her nights were uncharacteristically unsettled and Owen, Callie, urged her, forced her, to seek help. More help.

More help meant more therapy sessions, or as Owen's delightful compromise suggested, more _joint_ therapy sessions, as he felt he needed a space to discuss how he was feeling about her nightmares too.

They made their way out of private exit of the hospital and walked towards the elevator having left Dr Wyatt's office after therapy. Cristina was cursing. She was doing this with him because this is what he needed from her, but everyone knew she wasn't a talker. So when she sat in front of Wyatt with not much to say, she didn't want to be criticised about it.

'_Just do your best'_ Owen encouraged.

"I _am_ doing my best, but Owen it's a lot. One therapy session a week until we get married?" She was busy with work and plans and weddings and moving, and so to sit and be asked to become emotional and talk week after week, it was asking a lot.

"You don't have to be _emotional._" Owen rolled his eyes. "Just do your best, be honest and talk about what you feel."

"But I don't _feel_ anything!"

Owen tried not to smile and pressed the elevator button. "Aren't you happy we're doing something constructive to make our relationship better?"

"Oh I'm happy for our _betterment_." She said pressing for the elevator herself. "But Owen, I don't have any more time for this. _One_ of these things a month I can handle, like I _was_ doing. But one a week with you…?" She counted out on her fingers. "No! I have the wedding in three weeks, I'm moving out of my apartment and into your apartment in three weeks, _and_ I'm working. I don't have any more time to sit and talk. I don't."

He heard this after every session.

They stepped out of the elevator and made their way outside to his car. "Your mother is taking care of the wedding..." He said counting on his own fingers. "…We've already planned the packers, movers _and _the storage company, and _I'm _keeping a close eye on your schedule and workload, so Cristina, the only thing you have to devote any time to _is_ our therapy and you know how important that is to me and to us…"

Owen stopped at his car.

"Next week it gets better." He assured her. "We only have to do a half hour session a week, that's three half hours, you can do that." Owen draped his arms lightly over her shoulders. "I know it's inconvenient and I know you're not enjoying it, but it's important. We're getting to the bottom of things aren't we? You've heard a lot from me and you know I never really speak about Iraq."

Cristina sighed.

Wyatt's questions came thick and fast, at least that's what it felt like. Cristina felt she was being unravelled and although she knew it was for her own good, she struggled against the perceived benefit of couple's therapy.

At the car Owen focused his calm stare onto her agitated expression and closed his arms around her neck for an embrace. "I'm proud of you." He said. "I'm proud we can do this together. I'm proud you're _letting_ us do this… It's important for me to see you more settled… especially at nights."

Pushing gently away from him she opened the car door and climbed inside. These sessions were important to him. Fastening her seat belt she kept the rest of her protests to herself. "Okay." She sighed.


	3. Chapter three

**THREE **

"…This woman wants me to justify all my actions and unless I sit there and say _nothing_… which I have tried doing… she is going to know everything about me…." Cristina let her head fall backward against the wall. "I cannot wait for this to be over…"

At lunch the next day with Meredith, the two sat shoulder to shoulder and indulged in some post therapy analysis. In the basement of the hospital on the same gurney, completely alone in the hall they rummaged through their lunch packs.

"She's listening to me… but really she's sniffing and tracking..." Cristina fed chips into her mouth. "She's like one of those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park… I _think_ I'm the clever human hunter guy tracking _her,_ but I'm not and before I know it… I'm shivering on the toilet getting my head ripped off…." Cristina offered Meredith some chips. "… She is annoyingly good at her job."

"You want to get out of there." Meredith recalled her own Wyatt experiences. "…and so you say _something_ and before you know it you hate yourself for it, and then she says, 'Times up Dr Grey', and you swear you're not going back there, but you do, because it's part of your deal with the Chief to let you operate!"

Meredith opened her own bag of crisps and for the next few minutes the only sound was their crunching.

Cristina thought about the way she zoned out during her surgery with Sloan and the way he said _'I'm sorry, but is this surgery boring you Dr Yang?_'

"I'm being completely thrown off by all this… _expression._" She moaned. Grabbing empty packets from Meredith's lap she pushed herself off the gurney. "Let me _do_ things, I like to _do_ things, not talk." She threw the trash in the bin and back on her seat bent her legs and rested her arms on them.

"Do you want me to get Derek, to get the Chief, to get you out of seeing Wyatt?" Meredith could do it, she had the power.

Cristina's sigh was heavy. "…No…" She had to do this. There was a pause. "Did I tell you about my latest dream?"

"The one where the bird flies down grabs your mom and drops her in the ocean?'

"Not that dream." Cristina smirked. She recalled "…I'm at church, the Burke church… and I'm about to get married. The place is packed with people. You're there, and you're smiling but you're also looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm wearing this big poufy dress. It's all over your face how hideous you think I look but I don't seem to care and start walking down the aisle. At one point I say 'this is a long aisle' and it is, it kind of just floats off into the distance. I don't see Owen anywhere… I don't think we got married."

Their half hour lunch was up. Gathering their things they made their way to towards the elevator. Meredith pressed the button to call it. "You had a bad experience with Burke and so it's understandable that with Owen you think he might not show… But…" Meredith couldn't believe what she was about to say. "…But… Owen is a good man… and whatever I think, he loves you. Owen will be there for you and you will get married…" She jabbed hard at the elevator buttons.

It lingered on the floors above and Cristina especially didn't want to piss Sloan off anymore by being late so the two of them moved toward the exit doors and took the stairs up.

"I'm getting married on Saul's yacht." Stated Cristina. "So that Owen can't walk out on me or leave me at the altar."

"Your stepfather has a yacht.…" Meredith looked for the silver lining. "Alright… it means you're taking _precautions_. But, it also means you wanted a different 'venue' for your wedding." Meredith laid out the bright side.

Cristina scoffed, "My parent's '_home on the sea' _is my insurance policy against being jilted._"_ She turned a corner up the stairs._ "I'm_ dreaming Owen won't show up for the wedding. I hope a bird lands on my mother. I'm in therapy with Wyatt and Owen. Oh, and my mother is my wedding planner!"

Meredith passed through a set of doors behind Cristina and they made their way along the L-shaped corridor before stopping at the surgery board to take a brief look at it.

"Getting married is a big deal." Said Meredith. "It can bring up all sorts of…Why do you think Derek and I used Post It Notes? It's simpler and less stressful. You should have used Post It Cristina."

Her friend nodded. "Don't think I haven't thought about it."

They stared at each other a moment before separating.

As soon as she sat down in meeting room 3 next to Alex, Cristina threw a sincere apology to Dr Sloan about being late. His expression changed briefly before he continued on with his talk to his patient's family. Detailing the operation he had performed on her face, his hopeful outcomes and addressed their fears with professional responses.

Cristina tried to keep her mind from leaving the room but it was easier said than done. Her mind reflected back to Wyatt. She always encouraged Owen to be honest about what he feared most, and was not so surprised when he looked at a struggling Cristina who was trying not to shed emotion while on Dr Wyatt's comforting couch, and admitted that he feared Cristina would want to leave him, that, being with him was really too much for her. Wyatt nodded and reminded him that if ever Cristina felt overwhelmed in their relationship, it was her right to move on.

…Alex nudged her as Sloan called her name. She looked down at her notes and Alex discretely helped her to find to answer Dr Sloan's questions.

Wyatt's approach to Cristina was more direct. She wouldn't let her make jokes, dodge questions, remain silent or pretend cry her way out of the sessions. She warned her to be honest with herself, so she could be honest with Owen. Her openness was important Wyatt said, as she was replacing a boyfriend with a husband.

Yup.

Yeah.

It wasn't that Wyatt needed Cristina to answer her questions, she said. She just wanted Cristina to be aware of what motivated her and what motivated Owen and the impacts those actions had on their relationship.

Dr Yang tended to use a filter to consider what might be the wrong or right answer. She said, whereas Dr Hunt was more honest and open and more willing to expose his emotions, put himself out there and respond as he felt, and not how he thought, like Cristina.

…Alex kicked her underneath the table and she responded loudly before catching herself. Karev shook his head. Biting words were just behind his eyes she could tell. This was Sloan and it wasn't just her arse she was messing with.


	4. Chapter four

**FOUR **

Cristina was alone at Owen's apartment. Owen was working late and so she made herself comfortable stretching out on the large living room couch. Pushing her feet under the couch cushions she balanced a small bowl of fruit on her lap and wedged a bottle of water beside her. She had three missed calls from Meredith's and decided at that moment to call her back.

"You rang?" She sang when Meredith picked up her phone.

"_Why is your mother planning your wedding?_" Meredith got to her grievance straight away. _"I thought I knew the answer to this but I don't, so now I want to know…" _She sounded harried. There was no hello, how are you.

Meredith was on the third floor of hospital keeping an eye on her patient. The floor was quiet except for Meredith's huffing and tutting. Her phone had just clicked off to Helen. Distracted she'd torn through a page of notes from her patients file and had spent the last few minutes taping them back together. It was an inconvenience she didn't need and in the middle of it Cristina called her back.

"… _I mean she's your mother and you don't even like her. Why am I being forced to like_ _her..?"_ Meredith balanced the phone to her ear.

She reeled out a stretch of tape and stuck it to her paper. _"…She called and asked me for my length of my skirt. What is a length of skirt?_ _She does know that I'm a surgeon right?"_

Cristina was a few bites into her apple before Meredith said anything more to her.

"…_So she tells me to go get a tape measure; measure Callie's length of skirt, measure my length of skirt and call her back."_ Meredith shook some tape that stuck itself to her hand into the bin. _"It's like I'm her personal assistant or something." _

Cristina munched on her fruit and listened to her person talk, what defence could she give? This _was _Helen.

"_Your mother called me twice today_." Meredith tutted. "_I was in the middle of surgery!_ _Why is she doing this for you?"_ Meredith wanted to know.

Everyone expected an agenda where Helen was concerned, but there wasn't one. Helen could appreciate Cristina was busy and not the most likely to be enthusiastic about planning a wedding, and after Mama Burkes monopoly of her daughters last wedding, Helen wanted to do this and persuaded Cristina to agree.

Helen as an interior designer was used to project managing and handling difficult clients and so Cristina became another client. She was required to give her mother a list of ideas about what she wanted and a time line. So they spoke via email sometimes, communicated by text a little and talked even less. It was great.

"She's very professional."

"Humph!" Meredith's paper task was done, she told Cristina to hold on and searching for the patient file she needed from the stack beside her, slipped her paperwork project inside it and went back to her conversation with Cristina a little more relaxed. She rounded off her Helen grief and moved onto another subject. Cristina began.

"Owen..." Cristina built up. "Got me a place on a med. team... going 'into the field'... on a trauma training exercise ... I'll be assisting a cardio god... who's a specialist in treating victims in disaster zones..." Cristina slipped a grape into her mouth feeling proud she could tell Meredith this. Her secret could not be a secret from Mer. "Four, fifth year residents and me!"

"Really? When?"

"Next month sometime..."

"With Owen?"

"With the god. She's lead heart surgeon at Boston General. I met her this afternoon and she_ is _a god let me tell you. I saw her resume. They were in the army together and Iraq."

"Oh."

"It's okay," Cristina knew. "She isn't screwed up. She had therapy."

Meredith laughed.

Cristina detailed her meeting with Owen. "This is my wedding present apparently. He thinks I might go to Haiti or something unless another disaster happens in the next month, which would be great, if you know what I mean." She plucked grapes off their branches and fed them into her mouth one at a time. "…It's the nicest thing... anyone's ever done for me... Send me to a disaster zone."

Meredith's lips pushed together and her eyebrows pushed up; impressive.

"It's blatant favouritism I don't mind telling you…." Cristina added.

Meredith was silent a moment as Callie approached the desk and said, 'Hi, how's it going?' before realising Meredith was on the phone. She gave an apologetic 'Sorry!" and heaved the files she carried onto the table and began separating them into two piles.

"It's Cristina." Meredith reassured her. "She's going to Iraq."

Callie looked confused and there were protestations down the phone from Cristina.

"Sorry," Corrected Meredith. "She's going… well she doesn't know where she's going. It's Owen's wedding present to her. Trauma and an earthquake..."

Meredith was silent as she listened to Cristina, every now and again relaying was what said to Callie, who was busy sorting her files and only half listening. There was a lot of nodding and 'Uh huh's' and back and forth's.

Suddenly Callie refocused her attention. "…Who's that with Owen?"

Ahead of them Owen was pushing through a set of double doors. By his side was a tall smartly dressed blonde woman. Deep in conversation they nodded and smiled at one another as Owen talked about this or pointed out that. Noticing at first Callie ahead of him and then Meredith hidden by the nurses' station, Owen made a comment under his breath and then he and his friend made a pit stop towards them. Introductions were made and there were pleasant 'Hi's' all round. Meredith nodded and stayed on the phone.

"This is Teddy Altman, a very good friend of mine." Smiled Owen. "She's the lead heart surgeon at Boston General." Among other things, he casually explained, she was in Seattle for his wedding to Cristina, but was looking to secure some work time at Seattle Grace for a few months.

Callie wished her good luck, Teddy thanked her and hoped she would get the work, but hoped to achieve her first goal first which was to be best man at Owen's wedding. Teddy laughed a friendly laugh, and the others looked at Owen, who laughed an awkward laugh and faltered.

"Um...Well...that privileged position goes... to Meredith's husband..."

Teddy made a 'Really," face and apologised to Meredith who smiled a light smile and said it was okay. There was a silence before Owen pushed Teddy's elbow to move them on.

"Well that was weird." Meredith said when they had gone.

Callie laughed.

"I've never seen him like _that_ before."

"Like what?"

"Like smiley, he was so smiley. " Meredith spoke into the phone and inadvertently shared her statement with Cristina who was still on the line.

Cristina's protestations could be heard through the phone. Callie laughed some more and that made Meredith laugh. She leant into Meredith and before Mer could cover the mouth piece, called down it. "Why doesn't Owen ever smile at you like that?"


	5. Chapter five

**FIVE**

She was asleep on the couch by the time he got home, laying on her back with an empty bottle of water, a bowl and a book balanced on top of her. The phone was in her hand. He prised the phone from her and took the bowl, the book and the empty bottle, walked them to the kitchen, came back and kissed her awake.

"Hmm..,Hi..." She murmured slowly opening her eyes.

"Did you fall asleep talking on that phone?" He knew how it was. She playfully poked her tongue out as he lifted her feet to sit on the couch next to her.

Cristina yawned. "Is Teddy here?" She stretched.

Owen yawned himself. "Callie invited her out."

His friend was spending her time in Seattle at his apartment. It had already been a long forty eight hours for him and so he was grateful Callie had invited Teddy out for a drink. Teddy arrived in Seattle two afternoons before and it felt like they had spent almost every moment together; on the town, catching up, at the hospital, at his home, which he didn't mind. Her energy was amazing and it was great to have her here, but he was tired and welcomed a few hours break for the night. Besides his week had been busy and he'd neglected Cristina when Teddy came and so wanted to spend some time with her.

Cristina didn't mind and had generously offered him up to Teddy's time. She was not interested in being in a threesome with the ex army pals. Besides, his friends had always been her friends, and he needed to have this experience on his own. Also she had not seen him this continuously cheerful in a long time, if ever, and, she noted, she had never heard him laugh so much.

Owen idly massaged Cristina's legs. "Richard has given her clearance. She runs her first skills lab on Monday." He yawned again.

"Wow that was fast." Teddy had been in town what, five minutes?

He patted her leg. "Yeah you're all signed up until we leave for the wedding. Until then you're either with me on trauma, or with her in cardio.

"Awesome."

"This weekend before she starts officially is skills labs just for you and her ok, I've arranged it. I want you to be well prepared. Disaster zones are hard."

Suddenly awake, she pulled herself upright and onto his lap straddling him. Pressing her lips to his she kissed her appreciation of his bias to get her as much trauma and cardio training as she needed so that she, as a fourth year resident, would be prepared to accompany the fifth year residents into the field. Thank you wasn't adequate. He might think this was a wedding gift, but this was her career he was helping and to her that gift was even more precious.

She eased her front to his front and gently moved her hips pressing herself into his body kissing him. She missed the simplicity of relaxing with him as their schedules hadn't overlapped much lately. He pushed a hand under her t-shirt and cupped her breast, fingers inched into her bra and pinched at her nipple, his tongue pressed to her mouth.

At some point the couch wasn't comfortable enough and they wanted the freedom to explore one another. They kept their eyes locked as they moved to the floor. She smiled as Owen unbuttoned her jeans and slowly pulled them down and off her body. As Owen took off his shirt. Cristina removed her own and then unclasping her bra, tossed it to one side. He pulled gently at her wool socks grinning, he wanted her naked. She watched his muscles move as he removed the rest of his clothing and then reached out for him as he knelt back down over her body.

He slid his hands firmly up the outer side of her thighs and snaked fingers under the band of her panties to stretch, twist and pull at them. She winced as cloth cut at her skin. Owen didn't apologize just tugged at her underwear, the pressure of it made her damp. He yanked but it wouldn't rip as he wanted, so he dragged it down her body and she flicked her legs quickly out of them. He was rougher than usual, impatient. It was sexy and her breath flooded through her nose loudly. Her lips and tongue searched for his and he couldn't get to her face fast enough.

The stubble of his chin grazed against her skin as he licked, kissed and pushed his face over her. Hovering an inch over her face his blue eyes closed a moment as he penetrated her with his penis. Her own eyes closed a moment as she felt him. He synchronized the pushing action of his body to Cristina as she rubbed herself into him and pulled at his bottom massaging his cheeks encouraging his movements into her. She breathed, "…Ahh…", at the friction of them both. She loved this.

He groaned into her mouth, his pleasure sounds making her want him even more. He spoke in breathless bursts her reminding her why they were in love, together and getting married. Whenever he made love to her and told her he loved her, she loved it, it pushed her passion for him, and she panted her responses between kisses and breaths and his love.

Owen pulled at her mouth with his lips and let his mouth pinch at her cheeks, her face. He was making louder noises as they both pushed into one another. He urged her to come. He wanted to hear her come, see her come. She wanted the same from him, and they tried to make it happen together.

His hands were clasped in her hair and he curved over her body pushing faster into her. He urged her "Come... come." It wasn't like him to demand it from her and when she came clutching his back he reacted to her squeals and rushes of sound by coming himself.

They kissed and wrestled their tongues still, held onto each other's faces and kissed each other to slow and then quiet. Perspiration seeped between them. Cristina hugged Owen to her and he hugged her back before relaxing and pulling back to look at her face which was flush with sex and happiness.

She was always at her most beautiful afterward, at her most saucy, her most sensual. Today though something was different about her, he didn't know what. But everything about her was enhanced; if that was the word he was looking for. Her skin glowed, her lips seemed fuller, more beautiful, more fleshy and her eyes danced brighter. He kissed her and she smiled. She was smiling a lot, and that made him laugh a little.

He was lying on his side, his face rested on his hand, looking at her. He smoothed a hand over her skin, up and slowly down her body, massaging her. Suddenly he twisted a handful of her curls tightly around his wrist and pulled her roughly to his face up to kiss her before lowering her back down.

"Ooh," She said, with a whispered smile. "I like that."

His lovemaking had been intense, more rough than usual but she liked it. They should be busy and apart more often if this was the benefit she said. Owen's face expressed confusion but he didn't say anything. Why would he want to be apart from her? Cristina idly smoothed over the skin on his arm. "You were… are… different… This was different tonight…"

Owen raised his eyebrows. How so? Cristina rolled onto her back and levered an arm under her head, she looked idly at the ceiling, her leg arched casually over his. She couldn't really explain it, but what had come over him recently, she liked it. "If this is the effect Teddy has on you then she can stay." She said.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked suddenly alert.

"Hmmn?"

"What you just said about Teddy?"

She looked at him. "I didn't say anything about Teddy."

"You just made a comment." He wanted it explained.

Cristina shrugged "I don't know, you were... all heated up tonight I don't know... But she can stay if she makes you this happy." She reached to smooth his skin, but Owen pulled away from her and got to his feet, he retrieved his boxer shorts from the floor walked towards the kitchen.

"Owen?" Cristina laughed. She lay back on the floor and waited for him to come back. When he didn't, she got to her feet and finding her t-shirt, put it on and went into the kitchen. He was standing at the sink with a glass of water in his hand; he had his back to her.

"What did I say?"

Owen didn't respond.

She replayed the last minute and a half in her mind, because that's all it was. "What happened?" She spoke from the doorway, but he didn't move, didn't turn around. So Cristina walked over to his side. She didn't want to dismiss the fantastic moments they had just spent. "Are you mad at me?"

His head turned to the side but he didn't make an attempt to look at her. "Why did you make that comment about Teddy?"

"I didn't make a comment about _Teddy_." She huffed a laugh. "I made a comment about _you_."

"Why did you make that comment about _me_ then?"

She looked at him bewildered. "I don't know." Her shoulders moved upward. "I was joking… But I guess judging from your reaction... it was a stupid joke."

He nodded in agreement it was a stupid joke.

"Okay." She nodded, putting her hand onto his bare back. "Okay, let's just forget it."

But Owen didn't want to forget it. He emptied the water in his glass with a splash into the sink and clinked the glass onto the marbled counter top. "I just made love to you, I just fucked you. Why, why talk about Teddy?"

"I'm sorry." She winced. "Can we just forget it?"

He was silent a moment. "Is this a trust thing?" He faced her. "Is that it? You don't trust me? Is Wyatt right, you can't trust me?"

"Trust you?" She stared at him. What? Why? Cristina didn't understand anything. She didn't know what to say. So much for wit. His breath was coming heavy through his nose and there was redness creeping up his neck, a sign he was getting agitated. Cristina thought about what to do. Pitching her tone so it was calm she tried to defuse the situation. "I'm sorry ...It was stupid...a joke."

Holding his stare stubbornly on her face he transferred his frustrations to her. "…This is just like Beth she had a thing about Teddy too."

"I don't have a thing," Cristina responded with rising annoyance. "And I'm not Beth."

"She's my friend that's all Cristina. Teddy is my friend!"

"I get it." Cristina brought her fingertips up to soothe her temples. She didn't get it, but it was late. She was about to apologize again, but she'd already done that and wondered why she was pandering to his outburst. So instead took up his discarded glass, filled it with water and took a drink. If it wasn't such a hassle she'd ask him to take her home. It was approaching ten o'clock and she worked the next day, so she didn't need to stand there arguing with him about whatever it was.

Feeling a little weary, she reached into the fruit basket behind them on the island, and plucked a banana from the bunch for the potassium, and more casually than she felt, she peeled it and breaking off one end she offered it to him, a strategy that brought his emotions down she could tell. Owen shook his head. Piece by piece Cristina fed banana into her mouth and felt better, the peeling, chewing and eating gave her something to do while Owen calmed down.

"What's going on?" She asked. "I make a comment and ..."

"...Bad timing Cristina...Bad timing." He paused for a long time looking at her.

"So what's going on?" His reaction was _not_ about bad timing.

Owen sighed, in a way grateful she was handling the situation the way she was. She wasn't demanding, or interrogating, but was giving him space and time to respond. Eventually he admitted that he didn't know if he was annoyed at her comment or if he was annoyed at himself, whichever it was he had overreacted now he regretted that. He apologised.

Mainly, and it was written on his face as he spoke, but since Teddy had arrived days earlier he had wrestled with a disloyalty and a confusion of feelings. Cristina rested her back against the counter and didn't know if she wanted to hear the rest but let him speak. Cristina made him happy said Owen; he was marrying her in three weeks. But since Teddy had arrived, he had been happier. How could he be any happier when he was getting married and already in love. He questioned her with his look. She shrugged, she didn't know. He hadn't realised how excited and happy he was about Teddy's visit but he was and it made him feel embarrassed, guilty, disloyal...

It was nice having Teddy around. He might as well be honest. He'd missed their friendship. She was an important link to a normal past, before Iraq. She knew him before, remembered him before and when he was with her, even though it had only been two days, it was like before. Happy, light, exciting, fun.

She was a lot like Cristina. She had a great spirit and he admired her. She was brilliant and attractive. They had been close before, but now he was close to Cristina and some moments it felt like a conflict. Mark said he noticed there was an obvious something between them, but, Owen promised her, there wasn't.

Cristina shrugged a shoulder, the thought hadn't even occurred to her. Why would it? He'd known Teddy a long time. They were comfortable with one another; she was his before work wife. It was okay.

"I thought you were making assumptions…" He conceded. "… Beth always worried… always wondered… about me, about Teddy…"

"I'm not Beth." She reminded him again.

"No."

Neither Beth nor Teddy was important to her. "If having her around makes you happy, then I'm happy. I'm not worried about your elevated emotions Owen. Your before was nice sometimes, but mainly it wasn't. We're in therapy because of your before. I'm sorry but that's true." Cristina folded her arms and stared at him. "But if Teddy brings back some romantic fantasy about your past and makes you smile, then I'm okay with that. If she makes you happy she can stay."

It was really too late for anymore discussions and she wanted to take a shower, soak off her confusion, and then get some sleep. Owen watched her walk calmly back into the living room and clean up the clothes mess on the floor. She walked into the bedroom and threw their clothes mess on the floor there and shut herself in the bathroom, stopping to analyze her reflection a moment before stepping into the shower.

She let the water pour over her a long while before the shower door opened and Owen stepped in beside her. As she moved past him he apologized for his earlier outburst. Cristina responded with a brief kiss. She was too tired for anything else. Climbing on the bed she left the covers open for him and settled herself on her side of the bed in her sleep position.


	6. Chapter six

**SIX**

She needed to find Meredith a minute and get her biased opinion.

She loved Owen and he was exciting and unpredictable and that had always been their relationship, but she didn't want to get carried away. She wanted to know if she was overreacting or if she was walking into a minefield of mistake with an ex soldier.

She needed to know because Owens switch of emotion last night made her uncomfortable. Even though he explained himself and even though she got it. She wondered.

Should she alert Wyatt? Out his unpredictability in therapy. Should she ignore it? Was it just nerves? Was it the appearance of Teddy throwing him off balance? Was _he_ nervous about marrying her? Was that was it? She hadn't thought about that before, but before she got carried away with her thoughts, scenarios and assumptions, she needed to find Meredith o talk it over. Mer, even though she was no real fan of Owen loved her, and so would give it to her straight.

Plus there was that other thing she needed to tell her about.

Standing by the back stairs on the second floor her hand print stained the glass as she considered whether to walk two flights up the stairs or go back the other way and take the elevator. She needed to use her spare few minutes wisely.

Pulling her hand from the glass she decided to take the elevator and as she got closer to it Meredith rounded a corner. Perfect.

"I was just coming to find you." Cristina said.

"Good because I needed to find you." Meredith showed her a pair of scissors in her hand and chopped them open and closed. "I need a lock of your hair."

"You need a what?" Cristina wasn't sure she heard right.

Meredith nodded as if to say, you heard right. She held up the scissors again. "For the wedding… for your something old. I need a lock of your hair."

"How is my hair something old?" Cristina wondered.

Meredith sighed, she didn't know. "Your _wedding planner_ wants me to take a lock of your hair so she can have it made into a pendant you can wear on your big day… or something like that." She moved behind Cristina and started rummaging in her hair. Cristina bobbed her head but Meredith held her shoulders firm.

"The strategy is…" Said Meredith. "…We follow instructions…we don't ask questions." She pulled at the scrunchie holding up the famous Yang hair and her fingers burrowed deeply pulling out some strands, she snipped, and then fussed Cristina's dark curls around the cut. Cristina rubbed at her head. Meredith tucked the scissors under her arm, reached into the pocket of her lab coat, pulled out an envelope which she twirled Cristina's 'lock' into, and then pushed the envelope back into her pocket.

"Are you busy?" Cristina wondered.

Meredith patted her pocket and tried to keep from sounding hysterical. "I have an errand to run, and then I'm assisting your… Hunt."

"Do you want to go to go to Joes later…?"

A drink was what Meredith needed, but tonight, she couldn't. She started to move off, back the way she came. Cristina's pager bleeped. Alex said she should come right now. She looked at Meredith walking away at that same time the elevator pinged and its doors begun to open. Cristina ran for it. "I'll need to talk to you later!" She shouted over her shoulder, before letting the doors close.

Tying his shoelaces Alex barely flinched when Cristina bounded back into the locker room. He had given her the minute she said she needed to get herself sorted out and now they needed to go. Sloane had already paged once so she had to hurry up.

Cristina stalled Alex for a second longer needing to find a 'thing' before they left. It was in her locker or handbag or somewhere. Alex didn't care, didn't look just told her to get moving. She clattered and moaned and was a general pain hammering around in her locker searching for this important 'thing'. Finally she found it and held up her lucky scrub cap.

"That's nice." He mumbled. Now they could get on. He got to his feet. Cristina shut her locked and turned to Alex.

"Okay. Let's go."

For someone in a hurry Alex moved slowly, he looked at Cristina and she looked at him. He pushed his chin towards her and the something that had fallen out of her locker, the something on the floor by her feet. "That yours?"

Cristina looked down and was paralysed for a moment. It took her a calm discrete breath before she responded. A white tubular pregnancy test stick lay on the floor beside her shoe. She considered saying, no it wasn't. But 'no' would give Alex too much ammunition when she eventually had to admit yes it was, because it hadn't been lying there before.

Bending down she closed her hand around the stick, it had an obvious 'you are pregnant' blue line across its window, and more casually than she felt stood up, opened her locker, threw the test inside it, locked her locker, and calmly said. "Alright let's go." She hoped she sounded casual.

Something about Alex and the way he looked at her and the way their relationship had a tendency to change on a daily basis, made her stop at the doorway. Turning to look at him she asked if he would just forget about what he just saw. She added a please.

Alex looked at her for a long time and then shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, whatever…" He replied and pushed past her.

But _'Hey whatever'_ wasn't an answer she could rely on, and while they were on Sloane's service she tried to get him to make promises of something more definite, before Sloane contained their mutterings and asked them for focus, please.


	7. Chapter seven

**SEVEN**

Cristina had been on Owen's service a few days, and daily watched him throw instructions, calm patients, manage interns, pound chests, plug bloody holes with his hands. He moved around the trauma bay stabilizing, making sure she shadowed him, followed what he was doing, made assessments and took action on her own. At the odd moment he'd throw her a smile of encouragement and go back to his work.

Her momentary panic the previous week had passed and she hadn't caught up with Meredith yet to offload, but now that didn't matter. A positive pregnancy test, her second positive test in two days, threw the issue of Owen's changing mood into the background. All that mattered she resolved was that he loved her, they were happy and were getting in short while. That was all that mattered.

Their 'that' didn't include a baby. She knew he wanted children. Maybe _she _wanted children, maybe. But not now, not right now. Their wedding was in less than two weeks, and she was in training for her disaster zone. So right now, in this moment having a baby was out of the question.

But give her credit. She _had_ thought about it. She _had_ given it some thought. She had tried to imagine what her having a baby would be like, she tried to walk in the fantasy of so many other women. She thought about Bailey and Mer's mom. She truly thought about it. Was a baby doable for her? For him? For them? She slept on it. But woke with the same sure feelings. No it wasn't. No. No to a baby.

They were happy as they were and so she didn't care what anyone else thought about it, this had to be her decision with him… and a baby was not on the cards, not on their cards. Not yet anyway, and she ought to tell him that before they walked down the aisle.

Inside the elevator she repeatedly pressed at the '4' button.

"It's already going to four." A voice said and Cristina stopped pressing and briefly looked round. Teddy smiled at her. She smiled lightly back.

When the elevator doors opened on four she stepped out, Teddy was behind her.

"Nice work today, Cristina."

Cristina thanked her and kept moving. Owen's office was at the far end by the back stairs and as she walked it occurred Teddy might be heading the same way, but she didn't ask, just hoped she might turn off somewhere else, but she didn't.

"Are you going to see Owen?" Teddy caught up.

"We have a meeting."

They had scheduled a quick make out session. He had twenty minute to spare and she was on her way home. His text just before she stepped into the elevator was; hurry. So she was hurrying.

Teddy pulled something from her overall pocket with a smile. "I found this."

Cristina used her eyes to look without moving her head. It was a dishevelled dirty looking notebook, folded in half. Teddy unfolded it almost nervously held it in her hands as they approached Owens office door.

"It's my old note book… "

Cristina knocked on the door and pushed it open. Owen sitting at his desk was surprised to see her and Teddy in the door way. He smiled though.

Teddy didn't give them a moment to interact instead held the notebook up for him and said. "Remember this?" She put it in his hands and he turned it over, flicked it open and flicked through the pages. He laughed out loud, remembering. Yes.

"…We were talking about procedures last night…" Teddy smiled to Cristina. "When I was in the army. I had this secret notebook, I'd write things in here in shorthand… I noted a lot of procedures in there…"

Owen looked at Cristina. "Do you know how precious this book is?" He waved it at her. "You could pass all your exams on this book."

Cristina stood aside with her hands in her pocket, a little annoyed at Teddy usurping her appointment with Owen. He was no better. Never the less she let them have their time to reminisce.

"What's this?" There were a couple of Polaroid's pushed between the pages of the book and he drew them out, gave a laugh and then a wistful sigh. "Yeah…"

Teddy leant over his shoulder and her blonde hair fell close to his face. She pushed a long fingernail over the picture and they spoke in low tones. The look on Owens face made Cristina move forward to take a look at the photograph.

A younger Owen, a longer haired, red haired Teddy and some other people, smiled out, standing closely with their arms draped around each other, smiling widely for the camera.

Owen pointed to each face and told Cristina who they were, helped along by Teddy. Owens expression was a mixture of happy and sad, and his voice was a mixture of animated and quiet, everyone in the photograph except him and Teddy, were dead now. Killed.

Cristina could kill Teddy for interrupting.

"I think I might even have your handwriting in here." Teddy pulled the book from Owens hands. She found the page and they both looked at his words with a laugh. He glanced at Cristina and noted the outline of her notebook in her lab coat pocket and couldn't help but say.

"The two of you are very similar." He imagined in twenty years time Cristina would be flashing her notebook to their kids saying 'You could pass your exams on these notes.' He laughed but Cristina didn't.

Teddy chuckled toward Cristina and said, "What is it you called me?" She looked from Cristina to Owen. "His work wife… No, his _before_ wife…!" She laughed.

There was a change in Owens expression and Cristina was obviously trying to control an emotion.

It only occurred to Teddy at that moment, that she was probably stopping them from doing something. She had just wanted to show Owen the notebook and had gotten swept away with the importance of that. She started to speak but Cristina interrupted her. She would go, Owen had a surgery anyway. Her hands pushed far into her pockets and Owen could see she was upset. He jumped to his feet to follow her as she left his tiny space.

"Cristina!" He looked apologetic.

"Owen…"

"We were just talking… and …"

Cristina shrugged. "She's your old friend. Your before wife…"

Owen felt bad and Cristina ate her feelings. She gave him a casual smile, but her eyes told him she was put out. She wanted a quickie and she wanted to tell him about the thing.

But Dr Wyatt said she should be considerate to Owens needs and after his freak out the other night she considered maybe he needed to interact with his friend more than interact with her. Teddy would be gone soon anyway, and they'd be on their honeymoon vacation in a week and so while Teddy was there, teaching Cristina and hanging out with Owen and he was laughing, smiling and happy, instead of being in anguish. It was okay. Sort of. She bit down on her jaw. Sitting on his dick this evening would have to wait. In the grand scheme of things this moment wasn't important.

Pushing through the back doors, she started the journey downward. The field exercise in the disaster zone was in four weeks, and she wanted to be a part of that training.


	8. Chapter eight

**EIGHT**

Early the next morning Bailey stood in front of her surgeons and overviewed the morning's cases, briefing her residents, putting them in their teams while the attendings waited. Cristina and Meredith stood slightly back from their fellow surgeons and quietly caught up on their night before's half listening to Bailey.

"…and so I let them have their time together." Cristina folded her arms. "We can make out anytime…"

Meredith hummed.

"I don't know… "Cristina continued trying to avoid Bailey's eye. "He feels great because she's here, but he feels guilty because she makes him happy. It's confusing, and we don't need confusing, I can't do anymore therapy."

Meredith lowered her voice…" "So his wedding gift to you was a blonde heart surgeon, who makes him happy?" Meredith just needed to be sure.

"And training in a disaster zone…" Cristina responded. Meredith mustn't miss the point.

Meredith considered what she would do in Cristina's situation. Derek had often given her some great surgery gifts, and while training in a real life disaster zone would top the list, his gifts never had a pretty blonde female who made him all happy and smiley attached to them. "I think you should re-gift your gift." She whispered to Cristina.

"Not until I've done my training." Cristina whispered back. She could compromise.

Meredith and Cristina looked at Owen and Teddy standing shoulder to shoulder, arms folded. Teddy whispered something to Owen under her breath making Owen smile, he cast his gaze over the residents which included them, whispered something back to her with a smile and they refocused their attention back to Bailey.

"They're pretty friendly." Meredith noted.

"They're old friends."

"Does he like her?"

"He likes me."

"That's not what I asked." Meredith bobbed to avoid Bailey's eye. She paused. ""If I were you and Derek was Owen… I know what I'd do… I would definitely re-gift, my gift."

Bailey finished her briefing and dismissed the groups. Trainee surgeons trailed off to connect in their teams. Meredith was with Derek and Cristina was with Teddy again, thanks to Owen and his wedding present. They headed towards the trauma bay walking slowly, talking.

Meredith did most of the talking telling of the night before when she and Derek surveyed their house build. 'It's looking more like a house than a hole in the ground now.' She said describing the ground floor of the would-be house. It took her some moments to realise Cristina was only half listening to her.

"You're not listening."

Cristina folded her arms and tried to look like she was concentrating. "I am."

Meredith continued with her tale and after some moments noted Cristina's mind had wandered from her.

"Okay, what's up?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not okay."

They walked some silent steps and Meredith waited and as they pushed through the double doors at the end of the corridor Cristina spoke. "… I'm pregnant…" She said.

Whatever Meredith expected to hear that was not it. Her head jutted forward and she had a puzzled look on her face. "Pregnant?" The word was almost foreign and for a second she struggled to understand its meaning. "Pregnant?" Meredith's neck strained forward looking at Cristina. "Pregnant?" She said one more time.

"It won't go away if you say it enough Meredith." Cristina folded her arms. Teams had already gathered at the trauma bay waiting for the day's cases to come in.

"But how?" Meredith wanted to know.

Cristina struggled to find words. "Well you know…" She pushed a shoulder up.

No, Meredith didn't know. _"How _did this happen!"She challenged_. _

"I'll draw you a diagram Meredith…" Cristina sniped. "… First the daddy bear climbs on top of the mummy bear…and…."

"Cristina."

"Meredith…"

At the bay, they pulled yellow aprons from Bailey's arms and found a quieter space to put them on.

"Have you done the thing?" Meredith wanted to know. She turned so Cristina could tie her apron at the back, Cristina twisted the yellow plastic ends into a hooped bow; they faced each other for a second before Cristina turned around for Meredith. "I'm definitely pregnant."

"_How_ did this happen?"

"I don't know how. I don't know how this happened!" Cristina thought she was protected. Except for the time she and Owen went away for a couple of days. It was a lapse she didn't think would be a problem until it was. It was a stupid mistake.

They shuffled down as more colleagues filed outside.

Meredith stared at Cristina as they waited for the first ambulance to arrive. She knew, they both knew from experience, becoming pregnant didn't just go away. It became a thing of emotions and actions and discretion and appointments and support, and it was obvious in this situation, Meredith would be the one supporting and didn't she have enough to think about? What with being on Helen's wedding service, living her own life, managing her own job and her own marriage? As much as she loved Cristina and would do anything for her, she was tired and resentful of the way Cristina and Owen commanded the emotional attention of both her and Derek, but as usual in these situations, resentment had to wait.

"What are you going to do?" She pursued. Getting pregnant by Burke in the first year of her internship, Cristina had promised, she'd been adamant, no babies, no children. "Are you going to keep it?"

Cristina's shoulder pushed upward.

_What did that mean?_

Meredith tried to hide her irritation "So you're going to keep it?"

Cristina didn't respond. They stood side by side in silence.

"What is Owen saying about it?" Meredith wondered. But Cristina didn't respond. This wasn't good enough. "You're getting married in a few days!" Mer snorted. How could this not be the worst timing ever? She impatiently waited out Cristina's silence.

"… I haven't told him yet." Cristina confessed.

Of course not.

"So he doesn't know? ...But you will tell him?" Meredith needed to know so she repeated herself. "...But you will tell him?"

Bailey shouted for her residents and attendings to prepare for an incoming ambulance which was minutes away giving Cristina an excuse to move away from Meredith.

"Cristina…!"

"Meredith!"

"You have to tell him something!"

"I know…" Cristina knew. "I know…"

"You're getting married in…" Meredith counted. "Four days…"

"I know Meredith… I know."

Meredith tried to keep her tone in check. Cristina had promised, she'd been adamant, no babies, no children remember. She asked her again. "Are you keeping it?"

Cristina shrugged again and tried not to sound disgruntled. "He wants to be married. He wants to have kids... "

"So you _are_ going to keep it?"

Cristina was silent.

"Cristina!"

"Meredith!"Cristina fired a look at her. "_ Don't you know me at all?"_

An ambulance sounded in the distance and teams prepared themselves to receive it. As the attendings pitched forward, Meredith held Cristina back. She was confused and was trying to work this out.

"So you're _not _going to keep it?" Meredith checked.

"No." Cristina returned plainly. "No."

The ambulance pulled up and doctors ran to assist. Cristina moved uncharacteristically slow and Meredith could see how much she was struggling with what was supposed to be a great moment in her life.

"It's going to be okay." Meredith said after a while, she sounded as aggrieved as Cristina felt. "This will be okay." But even as she said it Meredith didn't know how it was going to be okay. Cristina was getting married to the unpredictable Owen in a few days and was now pregnant with a baby she didn't want. At some point there would be conversation and pain and tears and disappointment. There was a routine with this if your name was Cristina and you didn't want children. Meredith sighed loudly.

She reached out for Cristinas hand and gave it a squeeze. The squeeze that came back was not surprisingly tight. "You're going to get through this." Meredith was handed a clipboard. "It will be okay." She was being asked to move on. "We'll talk about this later ok."

But later didn't come, what with work, separate lunches, more work and the end of their shifts, Cristina and Meredith struggled to find a moment together. Lines of text back and forth just frustrated, and this wasn't the way Cristina wanted to be interrogated by Meredith; and Cristina didn't need to be interrogated, she knew what this was.

She was going to be Mrs. Dr Yang in four days. She was going to be packing up her uniform in a couple of days and leaving for almost three weeks to get married and have her honeymoon stroke holiday with Owen. In a few days she would move her things out of her apartment and into Owen's, and the day after that she would be flying down to Beverly Hills with Owen to prepare for their wedding and the day after that, they would be married. She was creating a new life with another person. She knew what this was. He had a right to know what was going on with her.

Owen always wanted the best for her and she didn't want to be unfair to him, she really didn't. She wanted him to be the person she could talk to about anything. Of course she had Meredith. But Meredith had Derek. Owen had to figure in important discussions somewhere. She needed to heed Dr Wyatt's advice about her ways of communicating with him and what he needed from her so she had to tell him what was going on... So said Meredith's text.


	9. Chapter nine

**NINE**

Their friends sat around the long table in Joes Bar and the happy couple had been placed central. The colleagues and friends got noisier and happier as the night wore on. Drinks, toasts and the happiness flowed for hours and it wasn't long before bottles, glasses, pitchers, nibbles, cards and gift boxes collected in front of them.

She'd had some fun banter with Mark, danced and sang aloud with Meredith, Arizona and Callie. Laughed whenever Teddy arm wrestled her old college friends or Bailey. She spent some time in deep conversation with Derek, and had even kissed Mark at one point until Owen had walked over and said. "Can I help anyone with anything?" It had been a great night, except for Alex and his innuendo's.

Cristina's palm pressed into the side of her face and her jaw muscles tightened, she rolled onto her left side. It was the morning after the night before and she lay in bed replaying the past evening's events.

Owen had already left for work and had already called her to wake her up to remind her to be up and ready. It was move out of her apartment day and she should be getting up. She barely had an hour before the removal company was due to arrive to move her stuff to his or into storage, so pushing her feet out from under the covers, Cristina swung herself up and reluctantly hauled herself out of bed and towards the shower. Her bedroom was a mass of boxes, in the living room and the hall was a line of boxes. She had a lot of stuff.

She turned the water on in the shower...

At some point of the night Alex called for attention and made a big show of placing a couple of very large boxes on the table one in front of her and one in front of Owen. She was surprised and a little excited; her first real life gift from Alex Karev. She opened the box and pulled out an inflated rubber ring. It was the kind you threw someone when they needed to be rescued if they were in the water. Two, bright yellow, rubberised, inflatable rings; with the word _'HELP' _printed in bold black lettering on them. Owen looked confused. Mark laughed; one for Yang, one for Hunt; clever. The others clapped.

"You might need rescuing." Alex explained. "Getting married out on the ocean, you never know dude, you might need some help."

Callie thought it was hilarious. Meredith said it was genius and Cristina tried to not look offended. On any other day she would have nodded in admiration '_His and Hers' life preservers?_ _Outstanding, _in fact she was probably going to have them hung on a wall at Owens apartment, but at that moment, Cristina felt strangely sensitive about Alex and his 'gift'.

...She added shampoo to her hair...

Alex, he knew what he was doing. Her last non wedding had been a fiasco, an emotional nightmare for her and a spectacle for her friends. What did they want her to say? That she wasn't nervous about getting married, or worried, or scared. She was all those things, and ok, the yacht as a location for the wedding _was _strategic but until she was there on Saul's yacht and Owen was there on Saul's yacht, and they said 'I do' to one another, nothing was going to make her feel not-nervous, nothing was going to stop that feeling.

She dressed, and was looking in the mirror tying her wet hair into a bun, when she heard a crash and a response of 'Shit' outside her bedroom door, opening it she saw Arizona looking down at an up turned box on the floor.

"Sorry."

Cristina shrugged. "It was going to happen." She helped Arizona and they struggled to put the box right side up.

Arizona tucked her hair behind her ear and looked around the hall. "You have a lot of stuff." Cristina didn't respond but went to the kitchen to get herself some instant coffee. She offered Arizona, who at first said, no thanks, and then changed her mind as this was going to be their last roommate connection too.

"Are you ready?" She said stepping up to Cristina. She sat on a stool at the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room.

"You have to more specific." Cristina poured hot water into cups.

"Are you ready for the moving men? Do you need some help?" Arizona was always so cheerful in the mornings it could be annoying.

"I think I'll be okay." Cristina said quietly.

"Well I know Owen and Callie couldn't be here so I took the morning off to help, if you need help."

Pause.

"I appreciate that." She really did, surprised at Arizona's thoughtfulness and generosity; perhaps she gave the woman too much grief over her cheerfulness.

Arizona took her coffee off the counter where Cristina had put it and went towards Callie's bedroom. "Just call me when the movers get here." She said. "I've moved a lot. I'll have them out of here in an hour."

Along one side of the long table, Arizona and Teddy had been sitting next to Owen, while Bailey and Alex had been sitting next to Cristina. Cristina stood, standing just behind Alex sharing words with Callie when she reached between the shoulders of Alex and Bailey to retrieve her drink from the table. Just as she did that Alex stood up, his shoulder nudged her arm and her glass tipped towards her and her drink spilt onto her.

There was a loud "Whoa," from the table, and a lot of scrambling, and fussing, and mopping up. Cristina emphasized she was alright, it was accident, it was liquid, she would just get another drink. Owen offered to go himself but she declined, she had to go to washroom anyway to mop herself up properly. Really it was no big deal.

On the way, she stopped off at the bar, signalled an order to Joe and signalled that she'd collect it on her way back from the washroom. Out of the bathroom, she stopped at the bar and grabbed her prepared drink from Joe's hand. As she turned to move off, someone was in her path and she instinctively bounced backward. She managed to avoid another spill and focusing realised it was Alex. Sucking at the drink splashes on her wrist she said with a laugh. "What's up with you today? You nearly knocked this out of my hand!" She drank from the glass to empty it a little.

"You shouldn't be drinking anyway." He said.

"Pardon me?"

"You heard me. You know what alcohol does to a baby!" It wasn't a question.

She wasn't sure she heard right. It was noisy in the bar. She gave a half confused expression as she tried to figure out what he was talking about. He thought she was laughing and that annoyed him, he bit angrily at her. "What do you think you're doing Cristina? You shouldn't be drinking!"

"What? I shouldn't be _what_…?"

"Drinking." He repeated clearly.

Cristina stared at him, a little taken a back at his annoyance of her.

"Does Hunt know about the baby?" Alex didn't wait for her answer. "No he doesn't, because if he did, he'd be feeding you cola! Are you _trying_ to give the kid F.A.S.? "

She realised she'd underestimated Alex and his cool _'Whatever'_ when he'd found her pregnancy test. It was a rare moment when she had no comeback and she stood in front of him perplexed. She stared at Alex staring at the glass in her hand. Now she came to think of it, he'd been staring at her most of the night.

"Did you spill my drink on purpose?" She asked.

Of course he did.

"I'm a doctor." He was unapologetic. "It's my job to care about the..." He jutted his chin towards her body. "I care about that."

Cristina stood back with a crude laugh. Oh... is that what this was. Alex, the saviour? The saver of the unborn, saver of the sick, vulnerable and the heartless drinkers.

She could laugh all she wanted but drinking alcohol in her condition was irresponsible and selfish.

"_My condition_," She stressed. "Is none of your business."

"Yeah? Then don't ask me to keep it secret!" He wasn't scared of upsetting Cristina his concerns were as a doctor and his relationship with Peds.

Beyond his head she could see Owen stand up and shuffle around the table, obviously heading her way. They had to draw a truce before he interfered.

"Just because you think you're the baby whisper Alex, it doesn't give you the right to watch me and watch what I do!" She pushed him away. But Alex stood his ground.

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be drinking."

They stood eyeing each other some moments, Cristina thinking of something to say, Alex not caring if she had anything to say. She could only react by putting the glass she held to her lips and drinking the liquid in one long drink. She belched loudly in his face and said, "Cranberry juice with no vodka! All night and every night, okay Mother Theresa?" She barged her shoulder into his body to move him out of her way, leaving the empty glass in his hand.

…It was about a second before the movers came. Literally one second. She was sitting next to Arizona; they were side by side on the kitchen stools. The movers had pressed the main floor buzzer and Cristina had already let them in and so they were on their way up the stairs to her first floor apartment.

She needed objectivity and she needed results, and she knew professionally Arizona would give her both. "I er… need a doctor pretty fast." She couldn't look at Arizona's smiley eyes. "I'm pregnant… and I don't want to be. I need to make an appointment to have a termination..."

Arizona swung her look to Cristina who kept her gaze ahead of her. Wow, is what Arizona was thinking, but all she did was breathe. She was honoured in a way that Cristina had opened up to her like this. Since she helped Cristina and Owen out during one of Cristina's nightmares, Cristina had given her more of her time, and seemed less annoyed by her. It was a tiny stepped progression to where they were now, but she was grateful. She liked Cristina and had a lot in common with Owen, whom she also liked, she wanted to feel like a friend to the both of them, with or without Callie.

Arizona's reaction was controlled, noting that Cristina asked for a doctor not a friend. "You've done the test and its positive?"

Cristina nodded.

But Cristina had come to her and not gone elsewhere. Their hospital and clinic was full of doctors.

"Come to see me at the hospital." Arizona stood up to answer the knock at the front door. "Come to my office later today …um... Seven o'clock? We'll be alone."


	10. Chapter ten

**TEN**

The day of the wedding day wasn't going the way any of them had expected. Helen's wedding extravaganza, as Meredith called it, was being washed out by Cristina and her nausea. Cristina was ruining Helen's well planned, well organized, beautifully decorated wedding event, so said Helen as she stormed out of the cabin moments before.

"Whose idea …was this?" Cristina panted as her mother left.

"Helen's." Meredith wiped at the spit spot on Cristina's chin with a tissue. "...And yours." She dabbed at the side of her friends face.

Cristina panicked pulling air into her mouth and panting it out. "I don't think... I can do this!"

Cristina hovered over the toilet bowl with Meredith attending to her. Callie refreshed her make up in the mirror beside them, throwing part disgruntled part disgusted looks to them both.

Meredith pinched the wayward strands of hair stuck to Cristina's face and with a sympathetic gaze to her friend decided. "You don't have to do this." There was no point in prolonging her agony.

Cristina gripped her side. "Don't give me a choice Mer, I might take it..." She indicated that she wanted to sit.

Meredith helped Cristina out of the bathroom and eased her onto a seat, she groaned partly because of her sheath like wedding dress, and partly because her stomach muscles ached having spent the last half hour throwing up. Meredith stood in front of her friend and summoning Callie, bridesmaid and Matron of Honour thought about what to do.

Callie was already out of ideas; she had already been down the list of options with her new ex-room mate. Postponement, go to a hotel, get married lying down, get married in the bathroom. What else could she suggest? Was it nerves, was that it? Each time she asked a question, Cristina said the same thing. _'I get sick at sea.'_ So what else could Callie do?

For over an hour the three of them had waited for Cristina to feel ok, and prayed during the last half hour that she would actually stop throwing up. Cristina's parents, family, friends and Owen, Teddy and his mother were on the other side of their room door also waiting, anxious for Callie to give Helen and Owen the thumbs up, the green light.

Cristina's forehead glistened with sweat. The curls in her hairstyle wilted, laden down with perspiration, and Cristina's usually bright complexion had an odd pallor to it. "You are really pale; you don't look well at all." Meredith was worried. "I haven't seen anyone this sick in a long time."

"You're a doctor!" Cried Callie looking stunning in her bridesmaid's dress, which was not helpful. She gestured her lack of understanding toward Cristina, who was leant forward with her elbows balanced on her knees, face cupped in her hands, pressing Callie's beautifully applied makeup into her palms.

"Who gets married on water when they get _'sick at sea?'_" Callie mocked Cristina's turn of phrase. "It doesn't make sense. You are not making any sense Cristina."

"Maybe it is just nerves." Meredith reassured, knowing full well it was not. "It's a big step for you, and Owen'shere, he's outside waiting,that's good news." She nodded to Callie.

Callie rolled her eyes and shook alive the wilting bouquet of flowers she held in her hand. "Maybe you're pregnant."

"She's not pregnant." Meredith hastily discounted.

"I am not pregnant." Cristina's face hovered long enough to make her own case. "I get... sick at sea... on the sea."

"Were not even moving!" Callie cried. "If we were moving I could understand. But we're not even moving!" She flashed raised brows at Meredith. "So what are we going to do now?"

Meredith looking down at Cristina shrugged.

"Well you better do something," Callie sighed. "Because Owen's outside with her mother, and he said in five minutes he'd be coming in, and it's been five minutes." Her bouquet quivered as she gestured.

Meredith pressed a hand onto Cristina's shoulder; she spoke gently and compassionately but firmly. "You've got to make a decision now, are you well enough to do this?"

Cristina responded slowly. First she looked up at Meredith and then up at Callie and then ahead of her at nothing, at the wall. Because she was feeling sick and because she really just wanted to lie down and because Meredith was being particularly supportive, there was that moment as her eyes met Mer's that she thought_, 'to hell with it'_. But to hell with it, really wasn't an option. Damn Alex and his stupid rubber rings. Meredith's hand was levered off Cristina's shoulder as Cristina pushed herself up off the couch.

"Good girl." Meredith smiled lightly.  
>"Don't' get excited." Cristina whispered. "I need to be sick."<p> 


	11. Chapter eleven

**ELEVEN**

Their two week honeymoon was almost at its end, and a three day stop over to see Owen's mother and visit his home town was almost over. But before they headed back to Seattle Grace at the start of the following week, Owen had to do one more thing, and led Cristina down towards the basement in his mother's house to get it done.

He hadn't visited his house much in the last five years and not at all for about four years. But it was time. His mother had flown to Beverley Hills for his wedding and had enjoyed a lavish time at Helen and Sauls expense. A humble ordinary woman, she let herself enjoy the decadence of the lifestyle of the people Owen had married into. She didn't know Cristina all that well, but the young woman seemed nice enough and had brought a peace and stability to Owen's life, and in addition, since he'd been with Cristina he had visited his home and home town more often, if you could call twice in one year, more often.

The small house on the outskirts of Seattle had been his family home since he was a child; his mother lived there alone and even though it was less than an hour from Seattle Grace Owen hardly went there. Memories of his home town were synonymous with memories of his life before, before he met Cristina, before he joined the army, after he joined the army.

Wyatt's orders for Owen had been to walk into as much of his past life as he could with Cristina, a person who represented his new life. To change the script, to eradicate negative memories and associations. He would gain a great benefit from replacing and retracing the old with the new, she said, and doing it while he was in the happy emotional state of getting married and celebrating, might be more beneficial than if he were feeling apprehensive and nervous.

The benefits were two fold, as visits to 'before' places with her new husband helped Cristina gain perspective and get to know him better. It was weird. They even met up with Beth, Owen's ex fiancé, for a coffee, that was the strangest hour she'd spent. Owen insisted they meet as he needed the new and the old to connect and be exchanged physically and mentally he said. She didn't know when it happened but something about that visit seemed to give him the release he needed. Disappointed feelings he held; guilt, shame, love. Whatever it was he looked Beth confidentially in the eye and asked her forgiveness for not returning from Iraq to her, she had waited patiently but he didn't come back the same person. He was another Owen, the one Cristina met and fell in love, had married.

It was an awkward coffee hour but he needed to do it, instructions a la Dr Wyatt and since he had toured his old town, seen Beth's face, touched her hand and asked for her forgiveness he was like different man. Outside the happiness of his newlywed aura, he was alive... and mischievous.

It was early evening and his mother was upstairs. Some family members and a neighbour had stopped by to see Owen and his new wife. Laughter and old memories were good for a while but after an hour or so Owen excused himself a moment and taking Cristina's hand and led her out of the room and down into his mother's basement.

"I wasn't allowed girls in my bedroom," He said as they entered. "So this is where I used to

come with my 'women'.

At the far end of the space was a walled off partition and behind that was a quasi study area with a window, a desk, a lamp, some shelves and a cabinet. He moved the lamp from the desk onto the floor, brushed a hand over the dusty surface of the desk and lifted Cristina to sit on it and positioning himself between her legs he kissed her.

She kissed him back. "What are we doing down here...?"

Owen pushed his face into her neck, breathing in the smell of her hair and skin.

"We're spending time..."

She pulled slowly back from him. "Don't you think we're being rude?"

He slid his hands up her arms, over her shoulders and pushing his hands into her hair, kissed her again. "No... I don't." He said.

"But...shouldn't we...?"

He pushed his mouth over her cheek and swirled his tongue over her ear. "No... We shouldn't..."

She dodged his mouth. "...But Owen, your mother... "

"Cristina, you're the last girl who's ever going to be on this desk with me in my mothers' house ... I need to do this... Wyatt's orders. " He kissed her on the lips. "Now shh..."

He pushed her to lie on the desk and gently pressed his hands over her body and over her breasts. Her light blue t-shirt rode up at her tummy and kissing her there, swirled his tongue in and around her belly button. "Relax." She breathed lightly in the dusky light of Owen's mothers' basement and thought about the other women that had laid there while his mother did whatever normal mothers that were not her mother did upstairs. It was pretty nerve wracking Owen's honeymoon regression therapy role play.

"We'll be quick." He said.

Quick was good.

His fingertips pinched at the hem of her t-shirt and he pulled it up and off. "Owen..." She was not sure they sure they should go that far.

He kissed her quickly on the mouth. "Naked is best." He shook off his shirt and threw it aside and unzipping his pants stepped out of them. Reaching round her body he opened the fastening at the back of her skirt and jumping off the desk a moment she stepped out of it and her underwear.

They stood naked looking at each other.

Then laying her on the flat of the desk Owen pressed her legs apart and went straight for her centre and began to kiss and lick her. She closed her eyes. No wonder he was so good at this. She thought about the girls who'd come before her. She thought about Beth. Owen pushed his tongue into her natural creases and she tried not to react. He'd let his facial hair grow while they holidayed and so the prickle of his brush grazed her skin, the scratch of it was surprisingly stimulating and her breath eked out in whispered bursts.

Easing his middle fingers into her, he was sexily confident and she could imagine him as a hungry youth. The Owen in his before, enjoying life exploring the human body having sex, having fun, causing mischief in his mothers' house, taking advantage, Hannah's only child, before he went missing in the After. The sound of his mother's voice pulled her from her moment and Cristina froze until Owen reassured her.

"She won't come down here."

"It could... be important..." Cristina whispered.

"It's not..." He said.

He massaged her front with his palm, his thumb pushing down the centre part of her lips, disturbing the fine strip of hair that lay there. She whimpered and wriggled and couldn't look at him, Owen pressed firm circles along her entrance and hovered the pad of his finger tip over her clitoris dusting it lightly. She gave a cry and Owen was motivated by her discomposure and alternated between his hands and his tongue, pushing one or the other into her. Kissing her pussy with his mouth, pulling at her with his lips, massaging her. He closed his eyes and let her wetness and the sounds she made absorb into him. Cristina clasped the overhead edge of the desk.

This hungry Owen she supposed was the person Teddy met and understood. That hungry, fearless, naive, optimistic stallion vs the mature, responsible, intense, unpredictable bull Cristina knew, and she was a little jealous about that. Teddy was connected to him through his past and his present. Before he had brought Cristina through his past, Teddy had already been there. That's why he relaxed with her and laughed and smiled. She knew this side of him, mischievous, unbridled, free. A pang went through her gut as she visualised Teddy and Owen's intimacy, their friendship, their laughter, their love for one another; platonic or passionate.

His fingers rotated and pushed in and pulled out, fingering her rapidly. Cristina pushed herself towards him.

They were in his mothers' basement she reminded herself again. Neighbours outside activity going on above them. She was supposed to be drinking tea or being fussed over as Owen's new wife or something suburban like that. She was supposed to be helping with the washing up or loading the dishwasher, but she wasn't, she was massaging his head as he licked and finger fucked her.

She wanted to taste him. Reaching out she pulled him up her, grappled him up her body and kissed him. She could taste herself but she wanted to taste him. They hurriedly exchanged places and she lowered her mouth onto him. This was ridiculous. She sucked the head of his penis and pushing down and up dragging her bottom lip so it tugged up his stretched skin. He groaned. She bobbed her head up and down hungrily sucking at him absorbing the sensation of him in her mouth. The point of her tongue dipped in an out of the tiny slit.

The sound of a door slamming above jolted her and she froze again, but he persuaded her, begged her, coaxed her with his movements not to stop, he soothed her into continuing until he was on the verge of coming. "Oh...god..."

Eventually he couldn't take it and asked her to "Slow down." and ushered her to stop so he could stand. He wanted to fuck her. They stood naked in the basement kissing and caressing, lips embracing the craziness of their situation.

He spun her around so she faced the desk, leant her gently forward and as she pressed her palms on the table Owen pushed into her. Cristina peered over her shoulder at him, and pushed her behind to him. The head of his cock pierced the back entrance of her vagina and he whispered what he was going to do to her. One hand pressed into the curve of her lower back, his other held firm her hip. Cristina tried not to make a noise as he rode her but it was difficult. His legs straddled outside of hers as he moved slowly at first, then picking up a rapid rhythm.

Again Owen's mother called out but he was lost to hearing her. Cristina urged him to respond threatening to leave him if Hannah walked in and saw her precious sons cock halfway inside her. Owen laughed but didn't respond to Hannah's calls. Nothing was going to stop this passionate full circle moment for him.

His elbows and lower body thrashed in opposing rhythms as he bashed her ass against him. Her bottom padded and bounced against his skin and curls in her hair jumped as her body thrust back and forward into him. At the wonderful sight of her he could feel himself coming. Sensitive about expressing too much noise Cristina held herself back but his heavy thrusting forced her to give him what he wanted, asked for, demanded. "Come for me..."

Owen sucked his breath through gritted teeth and stifled a loud gasp as he came. The passionate torment of his orgasm pushed Cristina to her point of release and suddenly she expressed herself and Owen was caught in a rapid pulse of her contractions. Her expression translated into a series squeals and hums and gasps, Owen penetrated through her explosions. "...hmmm... ahhh..."

The silence was heavy with their breathing. Owen curled protectively over her body drained, she lay face down enclosed in his arms. "Ridiculously fantastic". She panted.

They moved because they had to and slowly began putting their clothes back on and straightening up. He helped her on with her skirt and top and helped strangle her hair back into her hair band. Owen organised her tidy and smoothed the sides of her face with his hands. She pulled the collar straight on his shirt and smoothed him down the front of it. They looked at one another for a bit and hugged.

"I'll tell her you were helping me with something." Owen suggested as she followed him. Behind him on the stairs she felt an overwhelming sense of love for him and a clearer understanding of who he was and how far he had travelled emotionally, mentally and physically. The Owen she'd just made love to was free and nonchalant and not confined and mindful like the Owen she lived with.

Perhaps with her love he'd be alright. Perhaps if she gave him what he needed it would be ok. Perhaps having a family would prolong his mental freedom, and for the first time considered cancelling the appointment Arizona had made for her back in Seattle. Maybe she underestimated what she really wanted and what they really needed as a couple.


	12. Chapter twelve

**TWELVE**

_Finally _they had a moment together. Meredith stood in the cafeteria line up ahead of Cristina; got her dinner and sat down. She was hungry and ate steadily and quickly until Cristina sat down. It had been one of those endless days where they had passed each other but didn't have a moment to sit, stand or talk. Meredith smiled to herself, it was nice to see Cristina back at work after weeks away, a lot had happened at the hospital and personally, they had a lot to discuss. She took a back table so they could keep to themselves; luckily Izzy and the others were still working. Cristina sat down.

"Good honeymoon?" Meredith swallowed.

"Great vacation." Cristina smiled sticking her fork in a slice of chicken. She waved it in front of her face. "I now have a husband, and I must say it is a very nice feeling. I am also part of a family. A large red headed family. It's good." She nodded.

Meredith nodded confirming the feeling she felt when she joined the Shepherds. She spooned rice grains into her mouth and listened as Cristina described her time away with Owen, and the discoveries she'd made about him as a person, and them as a couple. When Cristina finished Meredith paused a moment and said. "So…?"

Cristina pushed carrot slices into her mouth. "So… what?"

"So am I going to be an aunt, or am I going to be your person picking you up after the 'thing'?"

Meredith felt she needed to get straight to the point, they didn't have a lot of time and she needed to know what was happening. Ever since Cristina had dropped the 'I'm pregnant' bombshell on her, she hadn't heard anything more. They were supposed to confer about it but right on the heels of the wedding that hadn't happened.

That was over two weeks ago and in that time Cristina had moved in with Owen, had gotten married to Owen, had honeymooned with Owen and was now back at work with Owen. She was walking the wards with a contented smile on her face, and had been in a surgery with her hands in a body and Meredith was no wiser, had no clues as to what was going on.

"What have you decided?" She pursued.

Cristina fed more carrots into her mouth and while chewing said. "I'm having a termination."

Meredith was surprised, but not really. She waited to hear more, but that was all Cristina said until she had finished eating. Then resting her fork on her plate and unscrewing her bottle of orange juice, Cristina took a long drink. She looked at Meredith and said, "I'm having a termination on Thursday." She tightened the top on her juice bottle.

Thursday? It was Tuesday now. Meredith kind of wondered why Cristina hadn't said anything before then, but didn't verbalize her thought, instead she supposed, "Owen's going with you then?"

Cristina coughed. "You're coming with me aren't you?" She wasn't doing this with Owen.

"He's okay with that?" Meredith was surprised and confused.

"Okay with what?"

"With me going with you, and not him?" Meredith explained.

"I'm not doing this with Owen, Meredith!" Cristina's surprised tone and surprised look surprised Meredith even more.

"But he knows about it?"

"Knows? No he doesn't know. "

"But… you've just spent two weeks away with him. And he's your _husband_." Meredith responded in surprise. "What did you talk about on that honeymoon?"

"We didn't talk about _this_. We were too busy doing other things…You know..."

There wasn't a joke in this and Cristina wasn't trying to convey one. Meredith tried to understand as well as restrain her disbelief but she couldn't. Cristina turned in her chair toward Meredith to make herself clear. "Meredith, nothing's changed. I don't want to have this baby. I thought about it, I really did. I even changed my mind. But I know I don't want to have a baby, not right now. It might not be politically correct but I am not telling 'my husband'. I thought about it but telling Owen will only complicate things, and I don't need complicated, I need this to happen."

"But you will tell him at some point?" Meredith wanted to believe that. "I thought you were going to tell him."

Cristina sounded worryingly casual and Meredith pushed her for an explanation until Cristina shared what she really felt; which was disloyal, deceitful, pained, frustrated and confused. Things happened so fast Cristina admitted. She found out she was pregnant right before her wedding. When she walked into Owens office to tell him she couldn't, he was high on Teddy and wedding buzz. After the wedding he was on honeymoon buzz. They both were and she didn't want to affect that. So she'd decided to say nothing, and just do something.

Cristina leant forward in her chair. "We've been through a lot Mer, Owen and I. This would just not be right for me, not right now. I _know _this is a big ask. I _know_ what you're saying, I know what you're asking me to do Meredith, but it needs to be this way. I just need to do this on my own, and right now I'm asking you to be there for me. Be there to pick me up from the clinic on Thursday ok. I'm asking you to hold back your judgment a little while longer and just support me… Please?"

Meredith thought for a while. "Okay," Meredith supported with an extraordinarily long sigh. "Okay. What time on Thursday?"


	13. Chapter thirteen

**THIRTEEN**

It wasn't as easy as Cristina made it out to be. You couldn't just decide to not tell your husband about it. It was your _husband, _not your boyfriend, or some one-night stand from Joes Bar.

It was her husband.

Meredith gripped the steering wheel and pushed her foot on the brake to stop the car for the red light. She waited, looking out of the window to her left, to her right.

As screwed up as she was, as emotionally bereft as she could be, Meredith couldn't imagine carrying Derek's baby and going to have a termination without telling Derek now that he was her husband. Cristina in her opinion was treading a very fine line. He wasn't some guy. He was Owen. That unpredictable, emotional man she was in love with, and he was her husband. This wasn't going to end well.

Meredith lifted her foot off the brake and pushed down on the accelerator. He could disagree with her, he could beg her not to do it, but she should tell him _something. _Things had a way of coming out anyway and the hospital was a peitre dish of gossip, and why would you trust Arizona Robbins to arrange your abortion? Who cared if she could 'make it happen' fast.

The other thing, Meredith indicated left. If Cristina didn't tell Owen about the termination it meant that she couldn't tell Derek about it and, for the moment Meredith didn't know if she was alright with not telling Derek. Meredith pushed her car faster. Not that she had to tell him everything, or anything for that matter, but how was she supposed deliver Cristina to her appointment, pick up Cristina from her appointment; take Cristina back to their house, Meredith and Derek's house. Have her sleep over night in the spare room, because she wasn't allowed to be alone after her termination, and _not_ say anything, about anything to Derek. She didn't want to keep secrets, not from Derek; they were beyond that. Meredith pressed her horn at the lunatic who cut across her car.

He was going to notice Cristina curled on her bed in the spare room, drained, depressed, sad and whatever else she was feeling as she recovered from her operation. Okay maybe that was exaggerating. She glanced at the road behind her in the car mirror and changed lanes when it was safe. But Derek was going to notice Cristina wasn't her usual happy puppy, bubbly, annoying him, jumping into their bed, self. He was a doctor, a surgeon for god sake; he'd know when someone was recovering from an operation, wouldn't he? Wouldn't he?

Meredith sighed and pulled her car to a stop outside the clinic. She turned the key to shut the engine off and let her head fall back on the headrest. Cristina was a married woman now, she lived with Owen now. Derek, no matter what Cristina said, was going to question why she was staying the night. Just telling him they had an argument might not tie him over, and besides, Meredith unbuckled her seatbelt, she didn't want to lie. She didn't want to lie to her husband, not about something this involved and this important. She had a line in the sand and it was being blown away.

Grabbing her handbag she pushed open the car door and stepped outside. Things were good at the moment and she didn't want to have Derek mad at her because of Owen, and she didn't want him mad at her because she got involved with Cristina and Owen's things. She was involved with her own Meredith and Derek things he would say.

She tramped the steps up to clinics door and pushed the buzzer. "I'm here to collect someone." She said as soon as someone answered. They buzzed her in and she pushed her way inside the building. She smiled politely at the receptionist and took a seat as directed.

Maybe, as Cristina had stressed, she was thinking too much about it and lying by omitting wouldn't be that difficult or was that deceptive. A copy of Style magazine met her eyes and she picked it up, she flicked the pages with energy. She got it. She really did, Meredith wrote the book on lying by omission, there were a million things she could talk about but didn't. But she was a grown up now, she wasn't a single happy go lucky intern. This wasn't an unplanned pregnancy after a holiday fling.

How many ways could she explain to herself, but not as bravely as she wanted, to Cristina, that she was annoyed at Cristina that this was her unplanned pregnancy number two when she didn't want to have children? Especially when her boyfriend slash husband did want to have children. It was the dilemma they all faced as women, especially when they had scintillating careers.

But this wasn't about the career baby battle. Her mother had done it, alright not so greatly, but she had done it, and Bailey, Bailey was a great mother surgeon. No, this was about Cristina and her Cristina-ism, and she felt awful for saying it, for thinking it, for laying such a heavy heap of judgment at the feet of her friend. But secret appointment number two at the clinic behind your boyfriend slash husbands back, really, it was not on. Cristina either had to get brave, or get on better birth control, and she was going to be telling her that, just as soon as this heavy support your person period ran out.

Meredith would stand by Cristina in almost anything, but this baby no, this abortion wasn't just about Cristina, it was about Owen, it was about honesty, it was about their marriage, and Meredith for all the doubts she had about Owen, she didn't want to be this involved with their marriage over something this important. But she was, she was up to her god-damned elbows in involved with Cristina Yang and her bloody relationship. Excuse me. Dr Mrs. Yang and her bloody relationship.

She threw the magazine down onto its pile and stood up and walked towards Cristina who had just appeared from behind a door. And no matter what Cristina imagined, or how neatly she packaged her motivations behind this appointment, Meredith would fall out with Derek because he had standards and he would side with Owen, and he would doubt her Meredith, and he would begin to think that Cristina's ideas and motivations were her ideas and motivations.

She took Cristina's hand luggage from her.

Not that she had to tell him everything, not that she had to tell him anything, but she didn't really want to lie to Derek.


	14. Chapter fourteen

**FOURTEEN**

"Thank you." Cristina said stepping around Meredith to get inside the car. Meredith mumbled something in response but Cristina couldn't hear what it was. "Are you okay?" Cristina asked.

"I'm fine." Meredith replied.

In moments the car was breezing down the freeway. Cristina looked out of the car window but her eyes weren't focused on anything in particular. Things moved past them and they were silent for most of the journey. She wriggled in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable. "I think I have wind." She said rubbing the side of her stomach in slow circles. "I hope this ends before I get home." Pulling the lever beside her seat she pushed back to lower herself and close her eyes again.

Apart from some sighs, sniffs and lip smacking sounds from Meredith the car was quiet.

"Are you okay?" Cristina opened her eyes and looked to Meredith.

"I'm fine." Meredith replied.

"You're voice sounds a little high, which means you're not fine." Cristina paused but Meredith didn't say anything. "I do appreciate this you know." She added.

"Hmn hmn."

Cristina pulled at the lever to raise her seat upright; they were about to turn into Meredith's road. "I would do the same for you." She said unbuckling her seat belt. She tried to reach behind them to pull her bag from the back seat.

"I'll get it." Said Meredith pulling the car up to her drive. She parked it and put it in neutral. Before Cristina could say or do anything Meredith was out of the car, opening the back door reaching in for the bag, closing the car door, walking round to Cristina's side of the car to open her door to let her out. Cristina led the way to the house. At the door Meredith took a moment.

"How do you feel?"

Cristina shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Well," Meredith paused, she almost didn't want to say it but she had to. "I'm just warning you. I told Derek."

Cristina gave Meredith a look.

"I had to Cristina." Meredith said directly.

"No…" Cristina emphasised. "You didn't have to, you wanted to."

"Alright I wanted to. I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm just telling you because you're going to be here overnight, and he's off work for the next two days."

As much as she loved Cristina she wasn't going to fight with Derek over Cristina's marriage, even though she knew Cristina would fight Owen for Meredith's marriage.

She wanted to be a good friend, but she also wanted to be a good 'person', that's why she decided to absolve herself and had said. 'Look Derek, you're not going to agree with this, but I'm going to ask for your trust. Cristina has asked for my help, and I'm going to help her, you're not going to like it, but I'm going to ask you to support me for the next few days, just support the decision I've made.'

At least that's how she had rehearsed it in her mind, but strangely it hadn't quite come out like that.

Meredith unlocked the front door and let Cristina in the house. She bumped into the back of Cristina who hadn't taken a step beyond the threshold.

"_You told Owen?_" Cristina whispered_. "What is this, an intervention?"_

Owen and Derek stood in the open plan living room. They stood close and looked deep in conversation. They turned as they heard the door. Owen flinched in surprise when he saw Cristina; Cristina flinched in surprise when she had seen Owen. Meredith looked at Derek and Derek looked at Meredith. She hustled Cristina's bag into the living and put it on the couch.

"You called Owen. I thought you were supporting me."

Derek remained calm. "I am supporting you." He said. "Owen is here to see me."

Owen swung an enquiring look towards Meredith. What? She ignored his gaze and moved towards Derek. Cristina had remained where she was at the entrance to the living room. She was trying to find a response to Owens smiling enquiry of '_There you are, I've been trying to call you all day. Where have you been?'_ That's when he stopped as Meredith challenged Derek and his name came up.

At that moment, the flush in the main floor toilet went and Mark walked into the room rubbing his hands together.

"So," He said loudly, ignoring the new presence of the women. "What have you decided?" He spoke to Derek. "Are you coming with us or not?"

Mark and Owen had been invited by the Chief to spend a late evening and overnight at Derek's caravan, which the Chief had been renting, maybe with a little fishing and a little drinking thrown in. They had stopped on their way to pick up Derek, who seemed to have changed his mind and Mark was trying to change it back. Meredith was going to be working late and Derek had two days off, so why not make the most of it and go out with them. Derek had a lot to do and preferred to stay at home. Mark didn't get it and went to use the toilet hoping Owen could do better job at persuading. Owen wasn't making any more progress when the women had walked in.

"I have things to do here." Derek said. "The others are out. I can have the house to myself for once."

Derek encouraged Mark and Owen to go on without him. Mark pat a heavy hand on Derek's back and said, "Come on Owen let's go."

Owen moved to Cristina, threw a light arm around her waist and brought her in for a kiss. "Are you going to be here then?" He asked.

"I told you I was spending the night."

He remembered. "Where have you been?" He asked. "I've been trying to call you." They had spoken early in the morning but throughout the day he had gotten no answer from her.

She was going to say, 'with Meredith.' But decided against it. Instead she said. "I'll tell you later." Owen wrinkled his brow and asked.

"Are you alright?"

She didn't give him a look or a hint because Mark pushed him to hurry up so they could leave. Owen obliged, gave Cristina another kiss, and said "Look after her." And with a smile toward Derek, Meredith, Mark and Owen left the house.

"Well that was awkward." Ventured Meredith.

Derek's smile disappeared and he looked with disapproval at Cristina. He had officially been brought into her lie to her husband. A lie to one of his best friends, and he didn't like it and he didn't like her for it.

All he could see in his mind was the hurt expression Owen would have on his face when the facts of Cristina's 'away day' with Meredith came out. Which it would. Owen would think back to this day and this moment and realize that Derek had been a part of it. Derek's only saving grace was that he was staying at home to 'look after' Cristina so she shouldn't be alone after her operation; and with Meredith going to work late Derek would do it. He had a doctor responsibility, he loved his wife and Owen was a friend. Meredith appreciated it and he knew Owen would too, once he calmed down. Cristina wouldn't appreciate that. That much he knew, but he wasn't doing this for Cristina.

Cristina sat on the couch. She laid her elbows on her knees and bought a hand up to massage her eyes and temples. It felt like she had a headache coming on.

"You know Cristina..." Derek braced himself.

"Down boy."

"…Derek…"Meredith shook her head.

"If you did to me what you've done to Owen…I would go fishing, but I wouldn't come back… …and before you tell me it was your right to choose..."

"Derek." Meredith insisted wearily.

"...You need to know I have four sisters and a very liberated mother so I've heard it all before…"

"Really." Cristina made sure he knew she was bored with the sound of his voice.

"Yes really, and I happen to agree with most of it. But Owen also has a right to choose and you've taken that away from him." Derek shook his head looking at them both. "…Selfish isn't a good enough word for what you've done." He was annoyed by her attitude. He wanted to hear and see just what was going on in that brain of hers. Any justification would be a struggle for him to understand, but he wanted to hear what it was.

Meredith broke the tension by saying she had to get ready for work. She sounded tired and she looked tired. Her weariness brought apologetic looks and feelings from the two people who loved her the most, so they tried to do what they always tried to do when they saw that steely wearied look, put their bayonets down and stopped their bickering.

Meredith eventually left the house, and as she knew Alex and Lexie weren't coming home Cristina didn't move from the couch at all. Derek popped in and out, looked at her or didn't, spoke to her or didn't, but made sure she was alright and monitored her.

He did his best to control his emotions as Cristina was good at pressing his buttons, especially when she acted indifferent like this. He'd known her a long time and he knew deep down somewhere she was feeling far from indifferent and that she would soon show her hand, he just had to push at her, stand back and let her come forward on her own. He was still a teacher and she was still a student.

The way she cared and loved and defended and fought for Meredith and the other things she loved, he knew Cristina was not indifferent. She was passionate and feisty, and driven, she worked hard, and she loved hard, she also fell hard, and Derek was waiting for the fall, he knew her and it was coming.

Before he headed up the stairs for the night he stood over her and gave her a little push. "I've known you a long time Cristina and I am always in awe of your selfishness. You always manage to out do yourself. "

Cristina didn't move a muscle, didn't respond as he knew she wouldn't. Derek spoke with a lot of confidence which annoyed her. "Your marriage won't last a year if you don't think about someone other than yourself." He stepped away from her but then pulled himself back. "Owen told me once that he was trained to look for the signs of life. But that he knew to accept when someone was dead. He knows when to move on. He knows when someone else needs saving. He doesn't waste his time like us Cristina, trying to find a pulse. You should perhaps take that into account. Owen is conditioned to cut his losses and move on."

"Thank you Dr Sheppard," Cristina pulled her blanket up and under her chin. "But if you don't mind I'll wait to see the other doctor, you know the nice one."

Derek scoffed and walked away and up the stairs to his bedroom.

_Owen's hands were humongous this time. Meredith giggled. Humongous. Cristina gave her a strange look, what was so funny about that word. She shushed her quiet and made herself comfortable laying back down on the bed. Owen stood over her and said, "Ready?' Cristina nodded. She was ready. Cristina focused her brown eyes on Owens blue eyes as he held his humongous hands over her, the shadow of them covered her body. Meredith sitting on a chair by the side of the bed held her breath and watched as Owens hands closed in on Cristina's neck and squeezed as hard as he could. He squeezed it until Cristina blacked out. _

"Are you okay?" Derek said as she opened her eyes.

He gave her more kindness than she deserved, they came to that conclusion together. A half-hour after her bad dream, she slowly pushed the door to his bedroom where he wasn't asleep, but awake and reading a magazine, never mind it was about two thirty in the morning. He looked up and watched her as she walked towards the bed and stood there. She transmitted the enquiry with her face and he responded to the message by slowly lifting the bed covers. Cristina climbed in.

She had cleared it with Meredith, texting her. 'Had a bad dream, need company, can I get into bed with your husband?' The response came back. 'Yes. But no hanky panky until I get home." Cristina responded with. 'Okay, will try to wait." Meredith smiled and sent a message to Derek so he knew what to expect.

Cristina climbed in the next to him and slid down under the covers, facing away from Derek. After about five minutes silence he made a casual comment as he flicked the page of his magazine. "Do you want to tell me about your dream?" He was good friends with Owen and so he knew, he knew that she, that they, had been struggling. He knew pretty much everything as Owen spoke to him a lot.

For whatever reason, the adjustment of hormone levels he guessed, tiredness, release, tension, distress, sorrow, sadness, for whatever reason she gave in and opened up and told him it all. About her dad, about Burke, about her family, her life, her feelings, about her love, about Owen, about babies, about Mer… She opened her mouth and was as honest as she could be with him. She talked and talked, and he listened. He listened to it all and nodded and comforted and pressed, persuaded and learned. For about two and half hours he thinks she talked until she fell asleep.

She didn't stop crying either.


	15. Chapter fifteen

**FIFTEEN**

It was important to not miss any work time because she was in the middle of her trauma training. What with the wedding preparation, the honeymoon, and the two days out for the termination she didn't want to spend any more time away from her work. As part of the team for the disaster zone field operation she had been instructed to get as much trauma training as she could. She had been with Owen and Teddy as much as she could before her wedding, and after it she got onto Hunt's service whenever she could, whenever he allowed, watching what he did, sometimes days in a row.

It was almost a month since the wedding. Two weeks since the honeymoon. A week and three days since she had the termination, a week and four days since her emotional meltdown in Meredith and Derek's bedroom. A week and five days since she told him, Hunt, about the termination. A week and five days since Hunt had given her any conversation at all. A week since she had been back at the hospital to work. On his service he gave instructions, orders, teaching. Off his service or in their real lives he didn't give her one syllable extra. Not a hello, a hi, not a goodbye.

After her melt down of major proportions, there was nothing else for it but to tell him. Derek felt it would help her emotions and he had basically given her an ultimatum during that night anyway. Tell Owen or I will have to. He drove her home the next afternoon and she waited as casually as she could for Owen to arrive home.

It wasn't easy but she did it. He didn't believe her actually. He couldn't believe her. Everything in their lives had been great and he would know it if she was pregnant. He'd fantasized about it many times to himself, how could he not know? Surely he'd see it in her face, her body, and her actions. How many weeks, months was she? Why hadn't he noticed? Sure they'd been busy and sure they'd both been a bit stressed but how had he not noticed that? Suddenly he thought about it. Is that why she had been so sick on their wedding day? On the yacht? And now he thought, she had suddenly turned off alcohol.

It was a long drawn out night containing everything she wanted to avoid. She had spent enough tears in front of Derek the night before and really just wanted to get her life back to normal, get back to work, get back to Owen. It might have felt to him like she didn't care, she did, she was just done expressing. She had to keep it together or she wouldn't be able to handle Owen and his emotion, which she knew was going to be heavy, dramatic and sprinkled with guilt once he found out.

She felt bad for him, she really did, she felt bad for herself, but she had to stand back from it now. It was done. She had a termination of her pregnancy. It was wrong not to tell him about it beforehand, but it was done, time to move on. He looked like he wanted to kill her. She let him feel what he felt but then she hoped they could move forwards. He almost threw her out, but he didn't'. Instead he decided to 'get away from her' and left himself. He packed up a bag of his 'things' and walked out of the apartment. That was a week and five days ago.

In the trauma bay no amount of hard working, precision, coaxing or cajoling was going to move him. She was just another resident and all she got day in and day out was Dr Owen Hunt trauma surgeon and not a penny more.

Meredith said give it time. Derek said give it time, Owen was angry. So she gave it time. But all time did was to run her and Owen into that wall that was familiar, where she pushed forwards and he shut down until she shut down and they backed off from one another. It had been four days now since she stopped trying to give it time. She had to focus. But she had gotten her notice from Teddy that in the next few of days they were leaving the country for their field exercise. She would be gone for ten days. The news prompted her back into action, back into her new marriage. They needed to talk and clear the air, she didn't want to go away and leave it like this and she wanted them back together.

She heard he was staying at Callie's.

Callie was where she said she would be, looking at x-rays on the third floor of the hospital, and trying to work out the medical options of her patient. She was making notes when Cristina knocked on the door and pushed her way inside. Cristina at first pressed herself against a wall and waited for Callie to finish, but when it was apparent Callie was in no hurry to hurry for her, she took a seat and sat down. Eventually Callie stopped writing and looked up she didn't have time to mince words.

"Why is Owen at our house? Why is he living in your old room? …. And why haven't you come to get him?"

"How is he?" Cristina sidestepped a direct answer.

"Oh he's fine." Callie's nod was quick, "Teddy is taking _good_ care of him." She leant back in her chair and looked at Cristina who looked like she hadn't slept in a week. Her eyes were dark and her skin was devoid of any glow, and her lips, they had no colour at all. "You look like crap." she said.

"I feel like crap." Cristina responded.

Callie folded her arms over her large bosoms and tried to decide whether she wanted to be sympathetic towards Cristina because she looked so bad, or if she was going to let her know just pissed off she was, that she was being used as a buffer yet again, between her and Owen. She had warned her not to marry him, but Cristina had gone right ahead, and had Callie been given any credit for knowing Cristina would sabotage her own happiness? No. They both got on her nerves.

"Why is he at our house?" She demanded again.

Cristina rubbed at her eyes. She didn't want to get into this.

"What the hell is going on with you Cristina? You just got off that wedding boat five minutes ago!" Callie waited for an explanation but wasn't getting one. "What do you keep doing to these men? Why is Owen so angry?" Callie didn't understand anything, but she bet Meredith knew and that annoyed her. "_You've_ moved out but Owen's still there."

This would be funny if it wasn't so fucking heartbreakingly tragic.

"Where he is now?" Cristina wanted to know.

"How should I know he's your husband!" Cristina deserved that one. Callie was insistent. "What happened? What's going on?"

Cristina opened her mouth to protest she didn't want to talk about it, when Callie stood up and waggled a finger annoyed at Cristina's lacklustre.

"Actually, you know what Cristina? I don't want to know, because you should just not do relationships! I have my own life, and you're not my roommate anymore and so I don't want to get involved in this."

"Did you tell him I want to see him?" Cristina sounded calm, but she wasn't. She just wanted the information.

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything to _me._ When he's got Teddy, he doesn't need to tell me anything." She was only useful when Meredith or Teddy weren't about. Callie picked up her X-rays, and began stuffing them back in the large envelope they had come in. She didn't have time for Cristina and her mess; she wanted to get back to her work.

Cristina watched her, waited and then she stood up; Callie was done with her she guessed. "So is he still at the apartment or is he here, where is he?"

She had called Owen several times that day but he wouldn't respond to her calls. She had even stopped by Callie's apartment but no one came to the door. It was frustrating chasing him and following his footsteps around the hospital and she didn't want to become one of _those_ women, but today it was necessary.

Callie eyed her ex-roommate from head to toe and said. "He's resting on five, in the on call room."


	16. Chapter sixteen

**SIXTEEN**

As soon as she got to the fifth floor she made her way to the ladies washroom, the dull ache in her abdominals had returned, an ache she had been feeling for the last couple of days. She washed her hands and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She looked like crap.

Slowly she pushed into the on call room. The room was neat and small, with a desk, a slim closet, a window, there was one bed and Owen sat on it. She didn't remember ever being in this on call room before.

Owen was sitting in the dark, upright on the bed with his elbows resting on his knees; his chin was settled on the platform his hands made, and he was looking at the wall, obviously deep in thought. His head turned when the door opened and was surprised when she entered. Cristina without asking eased a little more light into the room with the dimmer switch and then sat down beside him.

His hair was messy where he had been pushing his hands through it no doubt and he hadn't shaved for work which was a tip off to how stressed he was, and like her, he looked tired and like crap. She wished she could put her arms around him, but she couldn't, he didn't want that and she was in the precarious position of having to tread carefully. She had pushed him too far already and if he wasn't already over the edge, he was certainly on it and she didn't need to make things any worse so she sat still and waited for him to speak.

They hadn't been this close, this still, and this silent in a long while. She missed his company, missed just being with him, laughing with him, loving him. She reached her hand out and placed it cautiously on his thigh, he twitched his leg. He didn't want her touch. So she lifted her knees and pushed her hands underneath her legs. If he didn't want her touch, he would just have to listen to her talk as they had to get beyond this. This couldn't continue. They needed to discuss whatever it was they needed to discuss.

His days of silence in a way had given her a chance to get on with things, to maintain a control of herself, her body and her feelings. She doubted he was gone for good. He would be back. Ever since their 'spilt' she had been calm. Her movements had been ordinary. Without him the dial on her energy level had been turned down. For two passionate and vibrant people who sparked off each other, to be sitting side by side with no emotion flying between them, that was strange and now, a little worrying. Had she really ruined everything?

"I want you to come home." She said getting straight to the point.

Owen didn't move or respond.

"Owen," She spoke louder. "Come home…please." The apartment without him didn't make sense. It was a useless space. She wanted him to come back, so they could start their official lives together. "I leave for Teddy's training mission in two days." She said.

It was supposed to be the topic that would bring an intense excited conversation. It was his wedding present to her, but he didn't make a sound. Even though he probably knew, she detailed the itinerary and outlined what Teddy expected of her team. She paused and waited to see if he would do or say anything but he didn't.

She tried another angle. She hadn't yet said sorry, which Meredith and Derek insisted she needed to do. But sorry meant she was sorry about the termination and she wasn't sorry. She didn't want a baby. It was _wrong_ perhapsthat she hadn't told him about the termination, but she wasn't sorry she did it. If she _was_ sorry, it was that her friends were pissed at her and that he was gone. That's what brought sorrow.

She had to make amends.

"I made a mistake…" She said looking at him. "I should have told you about the… that I was pregnant, but I didn't and I'm sorry." Her words echoed amongst the shadows of their tight space. "I'm sorry I didn't want to have a baby Owen."

Their baby.

She attacked him with feelings to pressure him into reacting. "It was selfish. That's all I can say. I was selfish. I didn't think about how you felt. I didn't _want_ to think about how you felt. I wanted to think about us and our marriage and my career. I thought a baby would complicate things, confuse you and put pressure on me." She could not get more honest than that. It's what she had told Derek during her meltdown. It was the truth.

He didn't move, didn't react, nothing, but continue to focus his gaze at empty space and the wall.

"…I thought you would try and talk me out of it. I know you want children. I don't. Not yet." Her face contorted as she recalled events. "We were getting married, I felt like I was all over the place emotionally with all the therapy and talking with Wyatt… I couldn't sleep without having dreams you were walking out on me… I moved out of my apartment… I was focused preparing for my training. A baby was going to hold me back... a baby was... just another nail in the coffin… and I couldn't..."

Owen looked at her and leapt to his feet, away from her, his hands pressed to his hips, he was astonished.

She didn't mean that. "I didn't mean that, it was not a coffin. I meant everything was coming at me." She stood up, her hand closed around his arm. "A baby was just too much for me to think about Owen. I thought I could sort things out quickly and get back to my…our lives. It was not supposed to hurt like this."

He stepped away because he didn't want to be touched by her and for a while he said nothing as he processed all she said. But looking at her standing there, trying to justify her selfishness he couldn't help himself; "You disregarded my existence. We were getting married, standing together, and you discounted my opinion and my feelings like I didn't exist! How am I supposed to feel about that?"

Cristina didn't know she didn't know how he was supposed to feel. Put like that she didn't know. Her stomach muscles contracted and a sharp pain shot through her lower abdomen, the feeling caught her off guard, and she kept silent a minute until it passed.

"…I wanted to save you from your feelings…" She wished he wouldn't look at her like that. "I didn't want your pleading and your discussions, and your eyes. If you didn't know about the baby you wouldn't feel… and if you didn't feel or know… you couldn't hate me."

Hate her? As angry as he was he couldn't hate her. The word confused him and he wondered, like her, if she had ruined everything. Did he really hate her, is that how it looked? He might be angry and she exasperated him with her outrageous selfishness sometimes, but he couldn't hate her. Owen opened his mouth to say that but changed his mind. Cristina moved to the window to get away from his death stare, but there was nothing to see outside except wall. She felt Owen close in behind her.

"Would it have been so bad to let me feel…_something_? Anything!"

How could he still feel so much love for someone he was so angry with? The baby was theirs and not hers to dispose of. She cringed at the word. But that's what she had done she guessed.

He was passionate and irate, "We sat with Wyatt for weeks, _days_ before we got married talking about being open and communicating, and you held something that important back from me! I touched you, I made love to you. I fucked you and you knew you were pregnant and you didn't say a thing to me! You just planned to do what you were going to do." This is what bothered him; this is what kept him awake at night. That she planned, lied, enjoyed, smiled and acted. "This isn't love. You don't respect me; you don't care enough about _me_…"

Cristina focused her emotions on the wall through the window.

"It wasn't about saving _me _from feeling. Because you let Meredith feel something. You let Derek feel. Who else? Callie? Mark? Alex? Who else?"

Cristina felt as bad as she was supposed to feel. But it was done now. Thankfully she couldn't see the sadness and stress in his face, but his tormented aura broke her heart. He had been deeply hurt, and why wouldn't he feel hurt? But what else could she do? It was done and no amount of explanations or justifications was going to make this alright. Derek had hit the nail on the head. She had taken away Owens right to chose along with her own right to chose.

If someone was going to leave, they were going to leave. That's what Dr Wyatt said, right? So she had to accept now they had spoken some more, that now, that right now it was a possibility he would leave her, and no matter what she wanted, she had to be alright if he left.

It was dramatic, but the only way to release them from this mess was to give his wedding ring back, anyway, she needed to feel better. She needed to focus, and prepare herself for the intensity of the trauma exercise and she couldn't do that if she was feeling like shit, which she was feeling both emotionally and physically.

If she gave him the ring back then she let him chose what it was he wanted to do about them. She eased the ring off her finger and turning held it out to him. Owen looked at it and at her like they were infected, but he took it and when he did, she felt like she was going to fall over. Suddenly the room was moving. Why was the room moving? Was she moving? Cristina shut her eyes but that seemed to make things worse. Her arms splayed outward to steady herself. She felt nauseous.

"You need… to know two… things. " She stumbled out. "I am not ready to be a mother… I did not do this to hurt you and… I love you."

Three things.

Owen was looking at her. "You alright?"

Was she? There was spinning behind her eyelids. An outbreak of sweat layered her forehead. "I'm either going to faint… or be sick." She said, she had no idea which.

The sudden coating of sweat on her bothered him, but he wasn't ready to release his anger and confusion at the wedding ring in his hand, but she swayed precariously on her spot and he had to react to what she had said she might do. Reaching out to her he was surprised when she slipped out of his clasp and hit the floor.


	17. Chapter seventeen

**SEVENTEEN**

She wasn't ready he knew that. He wasn't ready himself, they'd been married less than a month, it wasn't smart to have a baby now. But a baby had come along and that played along into his relationship fantasies with Cristina. He could have been the strong one, the provider, and they could have dealt with it. He could even have stayed at home with it so she could go on with her career. It wasn't ideal, it wasn't perfect, but they could have dealt with it. But no matter what he thought or felt, it was ultimately going to be her choice if the baby came along or not and really there was nothing he was going to be able to do about that. Except battle her, moan, cry and get angry. Derek put it as directly as he could.

Owen had every right to be angry and upset and what she did was beyond selfish, but it was one thing that shouldn't change the way they felt about one another, because if it did, they wouldn't survive as a married couple. He was mourning the loss of the fantasy and the sentiment of having a baby with someone you love. Derek said. Cristina rightly or wrongly had focused on reality of their situation, and although it wasn't any consolation, there could be more babies.

Derek stood with Owen in the hospital outside Cristina's hospital room and watched Cristina as she recovered in her hospital. They shared a view through the glass in the door and saw Meredith fussing.

"This isn't the end of the world." Said Derek. "You'll go through worse together, and depending how you look at it, you've probably been through worse."

Owen couldn't argue, he'd heard the same from Arizona. Something had to change they had to move on.

Two days ago she had blacked out. Her head had hit the floor of the on call room with a thud, and no amount of calling her name could revive her, and so he had to call for help. Suddenly Cristina had moved from blacking out to being unconscious and that's when he got really worried. The next twenty minutes were fast paced in which he was sidelined as a patient's husband and Cristina was rushed to the operating theatre.

Arizona appeared from somewhere and was demanding to scrub in. "Nobody touch her, this is my patient!" Meredith demanded she assist. Owen was locked out and forced to watch them hover over his new wife from the operating gallery. Every so often Arizona looked up to Owen who couldn't do anything but look confused. Eventually she gave him the thumbs up reassuring him all was to be okay.

"…She's supposed to be travelling with Teddy today." Owen responded when he conferred with Arizona later.

Arizona shook her head. "Not if I have anything to do with it. She had a serious infection and she needs support and rest. This was as serious as it gets Owen. Cristina ignored what she was feeling without a doubt." Arizona looked deep into Owen's eyes conveying that she wasn't just talking about Cristina's infection.

"Look," Arizona started. "I know it's none of my business… I know things have been difficult for you both, but you can get through this. I know you still love her, it's all over your face, and you looked terrified… "

Owen tried to interrupt her but Arizona wasn't in the mood for that. "She was lucky today. Some patients we operate on never see the inside of their homes again. The two of you have worked so hard to get where you are today and you share things together no one else can share or understand... but throw it away if you want to…" She shrugged and folded her arms. "We all deserve some forgiveness don't we?" Her look forced him to recall the forgiven event which he had initiated that had impacted all of their lives. With that thought Arizona turned and left.

Of course Arizona was right. Of course Derek was right.

Inside Cristina's' hospital room Meredith was brushing Cristina's hair and trying to fold her mass of curls through a scrunchie. Suddenly Meredith threw her head back and laughed as Cristina said something to her. Something cheeky Owen reckoned and his lips curved. Meredith walked to the foot of Cristina's bed to get to her handbag which was resting at Cristina's feet and fished something out of it. She held up a small tube of lotion, Cristina was seen to shrug as Meredith uncapped it. Meredith sniffed at the tube held it out for Cristina to smell, and then squirted some of the lotion into her palm, rubbing her hands together. Then ever so slowly and very gently, Meredith massaged her hands over the skin of Cristina's face.

Beside Owen Derek chuckled "Could you imagine us doing that to one another?"

Meredith squirted more lotion to her hands and asked Cristina to hold up her hands. Cristina calmly raised first her left hand, and as Meredith applied lotion on it Cristina flinched and drew her hand back.

What? They could see Meredith mouth.

Cristina who was looking at the back of her hand a while, flashed the back of her hand to Meredith wriggling her fingers. Cristina obviously mouthed the words 'wedding… ring'. Meredith obviously mouthed the word 'So?' And then Cristina said a run of words that were said too fast for either Derek or Owen to lip read. But Owen concluded to himself it was something like. "'I gave him back the ring and now it's on my hand."

Meredith said something about 'Owen' and turned her head toward the door where Owen and Derek stood. Cristina looked over having noticed them looking through the glass for the first time. Owen pulled his face away but Derek took this as a queue to go inside the room. He went straight to Meredith's side and put his arm around her waist, kissing her on the cheek. She was a good friend he said.

Suddenly Arizona walked into the room with a smile. "How's my patient?" She walked up to Cristina and picked up her wrist to take her pulse. It was quiet a moment as she counted. "Hmmn I love that smell." She said bringing her nose down to Cristina's skin when she had done. "What is that?"

Cristina threw a frigid look at Meredith. "Jasmine." Derek gave a laugh.

Arizona moved to the foot Cristina's bed and pulling her chart from its holder made some quick notes. She tucked the chart under her arm. "Well, everything looks like it's back to normal. I'll load you up with some antibiotics and then you are free to go. "

Cristina shifted upright in her bed. Good. It was never any fun at anytime being a patient.

Arizona smiled and then made to leave the room. "Oh…" She stopped. "I_ can't_ let you out if you are going to be home alone." She looked apologetic, but not really.

Derek looked at Cristina, who looked at Meredith, who looked at Cristina, who looked at Arizona who looked at Derek, Meredith, Cristina, Owen standing at the doorway and then back at Cristina. There was a silence.

"Well… what's happening?" Arizona kept her smile. "I'm not letting her out of this room, if she's going to be alone at home."

It was quiet for a long while longer, before Owen moved forwards from the door and placed himself at the foot of Cristina's bed, he pressed the metal rail and addressed Arizona's hint.

"It's okay." He said looking at Cristina.

There was a pause.

"That doesn't mean anything to me." Arizona needed clarity.

Owen looked at Robbins. "She'll be with me. I'll take her home."

Arizona folded her arms. She didn't need noble gestures. "And tomorrow?"

"And tomorrow." Owen pledged. "I'll be there." He looked back to Cristina, whose eyes hadn't left his. "It's all okay. We'll be okay." Owen was saying.

"Good. " Arizona smiled and turned to move off. "That's what I like to hear." At the doorway she turned back. "Oh! I forgot to give my patient her sticker." She stepped back to Cristina and pulled something from her pocket.

"No really." Cristina made a face.

"No," Arizona insisted. "You've been really good." She unfolded a roll of labels and peeling off a round sticker stuck it onto the lapel of Cristina's hospital gown. It was a rainbow with stars coming out of it.

Arizona, on her way past Owen, pressed something into his hand. He opened his palm slowly and smiled. It was a gold coloured sticker, with the words 'I've been brave' on it.

**End.**


End file.
